Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

These days feel different…different from the kind of days that i want to have…every passing day, i feel it coming closer to me…by ‘IT’ i mean MY DEATH, the end of my miserable life…the days are all about hallucinations and my nights are ruled by nightmares…most of the days i have this intractable urge to harm myself…to hurt myself in a way that is irremediable…to gash my wrists…and let the blood cascade down…that would have been comforting…the sight of the blood would have reassured me the end of my life, which has been in a perpetual state of chaos…these days what i mostly do is cry and sleep…i cry so that all the turmoil inside me flows out in the form of tears…but the problem is that the tears are falling short…and i sleep a lot because i want to escape the reality for as long as possible…because in my case reality is harsh and cruel and sleeping allows me to do that…though only for a few hours but i am able to escape the truth, the shoutings in my head, the hateful gestures, the pointing fingers but the problem is that even in my sleep…i feel nails scratching my back, i hear abuses being hurled at me, people laughing over how foolish i have been…and at times i dream about a pale body of SOMEONE on the floor of my room, with eyes open, gashed wrists, drained out of blood and dead…at times i see the pale body of that same SOMEONE hanging from the ceiling fan of my room…and at times that SONEONE is sitting in a corner of my room and crying its heart out…in my nightnares i never recognize that SOMEONE but as soon as i open my eyes…screaming in the darkness of the night…and think about it…
I recognize - ’ THAT SOMEONE LOOKED LIKE ME…HELL !! IT WAS ME…I WAS THAT SOMEONE. ’