There is an ocean of silence between us… and I am drowning in it 

Silence is the only language which keeps too many arguements at bay. Sometimes may be its due to external factors

Lonely

I am feeling restless. Feel like crying hard

Loss

Feeling overwhelmed and lost 

3am Thoughts

Hi to everyone reading it.
It's my first time using any such platform.

Adulting is soo hard. We loose soo many close friends that we thaught will always be there for us. I feel like talking to someone, pouring my heart out.. but then I just stop before calling or texting anyone.. I am scared they will judge me. I feel like keeping things to myself, but honestly it's hampering my mental health. Why is adulthood soo hard.? I being a girl who use to describe everything of my life to people, is now not able to speak about myself to anyone , it's hard to believe. I wish all these problems and trauma I am going through passes quickly. Coz it's getting difficult for me to take it anymore.

Thankyou for listening.

Adulting

this is weird, this is the first time in like 3 months i feel very unmotivated and just a feeling that nothing is going in the right direction. But, at the same time im convinced that im in a much better physical, mental, emotional state that i previously was. i am someone who loves himself to the core but at the same time i think sometimes i tend to push myself a lot. I know that im meant to do crazy things but i dont think i am putting enough effort and when i realize i am not i get sad. i know the solution is to work harder and inculcate discipline but its getting harder and i feel i fall into ruts whenever things get hard.

Life

I feel like I want to be gone

Suicidal Ideation

I'm so fucking tired of living! I want to end it here and now! Will I have any regrets? Well only for words that I didn't said and for those times I wanted to scream but didn't... I don't have any purpose here, some of y'all can tell me that I will be happy or day or another bullshit but hey we both know that miracles aren't really promised. Why am I living? well I'm still here because I'm hoping... hoping that one day someone won't only tell me that I need to stay but I want them to come and pick me up from this hell so that I can finally live.. I MEAN REALLY FUCKING LIVING NOT ONLY EXISTING! I hate people.. why? because they can't shut the FUCK UP, they keep talking for what? what do they breathe?! I can't even hear my mom breathe since she traumatized me. Like seriously I AM SO FED UP WITH ALL THIS BULLSHIT AND THOSE STANDING SHIT THAT WE ALL CALL PEOPLE. What about the society? this word means nothing, people always want to categorize everything, people always want to control, they want power but no one will ever just shut their ass and lay their stupid ass ANYWHERE and simply take a breath. You are afraid of judgment? well so am I but no one cares, you can live in peace either way people don't give a fuck at all, you can also die as well people will only care to give a reaction but at the end of the end their life will keep going without you and the memories they had with you will slowly disappear when they will turn their back to return to their monotonous life.

I don't really share my feelings with anyone but I feel like I really need to. lately I have been feeling like I really should die. like I don't have a purpose here and the way that I'm feeling is just really hard to deal with. somedays tho I do come to my senses sort of and realize that I don't want to truly die I just want help. that why I changed my mind at the very last second that day. I feel so meaningless and stuck and empty. sometimes I take scorching hot showers to feel something just because cutting isn't really my style. I don't know why I'm feeling like this, I just am. I've been pretty lonely too. like super lonely actually. I gradually built up walls between me and my friends because I felt like I'm too much of a burden right now or its to hard to talk to anyone right now. idk why it is. I also don't have the best relationship with my family either. ik this sounds bad but my family are not the best people. its not that easy to talk with them either so yeah.we'll just say that. anyways my anxiety has gotten worse too. right now its too hard for me to be in public with people. I can't even walk alone because i'll panic. fun huh? to feel at ease I walk super close to the person I came with but they usually get annoyed with me. I did ask for a therapist at one point but that still hasn't happened yet so this is kinda why I'm here. for some time now I thought I could like help myself get out of how I'm feeling but its actually harder that I thought.this is all I'm comfortable talking about on here for now. I just want help

An overwhelming sadness that doesn't seem to have an end. It's not depression. It's worse. A sense of indifference that's all pervading. I can't feel a sense of joy. I'm anxious for no reason. Is it because the people around me are fearful about their families and the deaths that are happening? Or is my mind playing tricks? I need to vent out my feelings loud. I talk to my friends and time seems good, as it would be before COVID times. Once the call ends, I get gloomy. No amount of browsing or watching YT videos are of any help. I feel lonely even when I am around people, people who are my dear friends, who support me morally and emotionally. Things are looking bleak. I've become like a headless chicken trying to find a way where nothing is seen. Talking helps but only temporarily. What is the solution? On the outside, I am a strong person. People depend on me. On the inside, there's this devil that slowly gnawing at my soul. I don't want to just exist. I want to live. I want to experience the miracle of life. It just isn't happening. Everyday I pray for happiness. It's becoming more and more elusive. Am I not thinking the right way? What is the right way of thinking and living?

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts