The word brother means nothing to me now. I have a lil brother 17 year old. I kid you not he is the biggest hater of me. He spies on me. He mocks me. When i failed he made sure that he said the worst worst things to me so that i harmed myself and almost on the edge of committing suicide.
He told my mother about my novels because my mom doesn’t like them and i just had four which i hid. But he searched my room. Found them. Told my mom about it. I wrote letters to my girlfriend he told mom about it with that smirk on her face that was so disgusting
There is a window in my room attached with the kitchen and it’s soo big that like a person can fit into it. I’m claustrophobic so i need to keep it open. I was at my very very low stage at that time. After studying i switched of the lights and went to be. The window was right beside my bed above my head. There was all dark and i was watching some videos on phone. He came and poked his head through the window to see what i was doing and when i saw it because it looked like just a black figure of head. I freaked out. Now he said. Ha ha don’t study use phone you are good for nothing anyways.
I had series of panic attacks that night. Couldn’t sleep. Cut myself in my arms. Scratched myself. I cried a lot. And since that day onwards i keep having nightmares that someone is on that window. Someone is always watching me. Someone is staring at me. To this day i get scared when i hear noices and he still comes to that window. Even if i had my lights off
When i told my parents they were like he is just checking on you if you are studying or not. My mom used to do that too but she never came in night. Yesterday he even pet my head from the window. Asking weird questions. In the night.
I was sleeping today and my father said to him that she must be studying. Now he said that go go look if she is studying or sleeping. Now even my father came to peek. And i woke up being frightened i thought it was a dream.
I’m a closeted gay. And he makes me feel like he knows and he would tell my parents. I feel miserable. Pathetic. Anxious. Sometimes i really want to end this. He keeps shouting and throwing stuffs I can’t reply because i know maybe he would tell them. I’m stuck.
I have written my suicide note so many times. I know i have to be strong but his mere presence now makes me uncomfortable. Everytime he just says. You are good for nothing. You are fat. You are q failure…how many times have you given that exam.? Use your phone all day. You would be nothing.
I think if i really choose to end it someday. He will be one of the top reasons
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