Thank you for giving me your attention if you are reading this.
I will be sharing something about my connection with someone in this post today, and I would appreciate your constructive feedback on whether I am thinking in the right direction or not.
2013 was when I and the girl met for the first time in a coaching center preparing for our entrance exams.
We never really talked though. Our batch ended, we got admitted into different colleges in our own state in the same Engineering stream.
In 2016, her exam center was my college and we connected after 3 years via Facebook.
After a few months of chatting, she confessed her feelings for me since 2013, for the first time. Though I liked her too at that time, I didn’t really commit to her for an official relationship, and she was ok with it.
I joined my job in 2017 in my own state, and she moved to a metro city for further preparations, and she got a job for her in 2018.
We kept in touch through WhatsApp Chats, Audio Calls, Video Calls, on a daily basis, and met only twice as now, when things were a little serious between us, she used to work in a different state and could meet only when she came back for holidays.
This is where the story turns now.
In 2019, I told her that I was not ready for marriage yet, due to multiple reasons and we had to break off.
But as it happens after breakups, the missing and emotional pain, we still stayed in touch, not as much as before, but enough to know that how much we missed each other.
Anyhow, 2 years passed in this on and off situation, and now when in June 2021 I am ready to settle and get married, as I am financially confident to support my family, I reached out to her again, told her about my willingness to settle with her.
It was then that I got to know that now she isn’t ready, as first, she is in a relationship with someone, and also that she isn’t ready to get married even with him for at least a year and a half.
So the conversation ended again.
Then in August 2021, I got to know that she and her bf broke up, so I told her, that I don’t care about her past and am still willing to get married to her, if she still has feelings for me, and wants to give us a chance.
We talked for a week or so, and then I got to know that mentally she is still in her past, and is not ready to move on to the future. She is an overthinker and this has led her to a partial depression in the past which affected her work and heath too.
When I sensed that she isn’t willing to forget the past, and that I am bothering her and confusing her about what she should be doing in her life right now, I told her to take time and reach out to me whenever she is ready.
But at the same time, she knows that my family is looking for suitable matches for an arranged marriage.
Now, I am stuck between the family, and the girl whom I don’t know is even ready to get settled with me, or even if she loves me or not. I don’t want her to get into Stockholm syndrome, and settle with me now, and then realize after marriage that she was just in a negative phase back then and that she doesn’t really love me.
So, should I be talking to her again, or should I wait for her to approach me when she is ready?
Please share your opinions, respectfully, about what you understood and think about the situation. I would love to know your opinions about the story.
Thanks
i think you should wait and be friend with her! help her out of all of this! make her smile again, like if she is really important to you (not necessary if not) you have a choice here! give her a good time, and in springs of this phase, ask her out calmly, ready to accept both the possibilites! and since the life is putting you together again and again! you should try it out! even if this is the last time! atleast you won’t regret for lifetime for not even trying! i am a girl and can understand her feelings here! you should try out, either you’ll pass or you’ll move on!
Hi
Firstly, thanks for taking out the time to read my story and replying. Much appreciated.
The thing about wait is that I have to get married by June next year, or else, due to religious reasons, it will happen after June 2023. When I was ready to get married, even before I told my parents, I told the girl about it in June this year.
So one thing is certain that I can’t wait. I have been a friend to her even after our things went south between us. And even from the past few weeks, I was trying to make her happy, trying to get her back to normal as she had already made progress in the past few weeks, but whenever I tried to take things forward, she would shut me down, and I am ok with that too, as I don’t want to put any kind of pressure on her, as break up phase is tough I know, and she just broke up with her EX recently.
So even after being a friend, I realized that we can never be just friends, and the feelings surface at both ends, and this is confusing her, as she is still getting over her EX, and I am the one even before that guy.
So, now I have told her to take her time, and reach out to me only when she thinks is ready to take things forward, as I can’t relentlessly wait without any commitments, especially when she isn’t ready to even agree to take a chance together.
I hope you understand this from my perspective as well. I don’t want to be a backup plan for someone too. I don’t want her to think of me as someone who is always available and will be ready to accept anytime she wants to.
Commitments don’t work like that.
Though, as a girl, you are right in what you suggested, understanding what she must be going through, and I understand that too, but I also don’t want to be perceived as someone, later, who took advantage of her emotional situation, offered emotional support at the time, and got married, and then after marriage, she realizes it was all a sham.
To prevent that, I think she also needs to solidify her mind first, and that she should be able to choose first so that she can’t back to her own decision later.
Do let me know your opinion on my side of things as well. Looking forward to your response.
Thanks
thanks for telling me your side in brief! i understand your situation as well, totally getting you here and you are not at all wrong at what you are doing! maybe she is not ready yet!
i understand that you can’t wait for her forever but my man wait, if its worth waiting! sometimes things are not like what it seems to be! maybe you are not the problem! maybe she is just running from commitments!
i know its bit childish because she is not in phase to understand it all but tell her the whole thing
tell her that you are there for her always as a friend, but you can’t wait forever, tell her what she means to you but you don’t deserve to be a backup of someone’s mess. she have to know this!
also don’t just don’t get afraid of hurting her because you know sometimes only the way you express can make a lot difference! You seem a very mature person so i assume you are understanding
all the best my man!
firstly ask yourself- do you really love her? or just because you wanna marry someone you are just asking her? Because the time i was reading this it felt you are not thinking about this(i can be wrong) but it felt you are not thinking much about yourself, your love…? idk i am sorry if i offended you by any means
Hi
Firstly, thanks for taking out the time to reply to my story. Much Appreciated.
You didn’t offend me at all. I shared the story here to get feedback, so thank you for that.
And to be honest, I have known her for so long now that I am confident that she will be a good partner for life, but yes, even I am not sure if I love her, as I have only met her twice and the person is different on chats and calls than in reality.
I want to know her more and that is why asked her for a chance to explore ourselves more. But considering her mental and emotional situation, I think she is not ready yet, to choose anyone for that matter.
That is why I have asked her to reach out to me whenever she thinks she is ready, and if by then I am not already engaged, we will try our lucks together.
And now I have ended communication on this note. Am I right in your opinion?
I guess you did great from your side but i think now you should really move on and find someone other than that girl because what if she never reaches out to you, not trying to be negative but we have to keep some possibilities in our mind.
I completely agree.
I don’t want it to be like a crutch for either of us.
Though I am already mentally prepared for moving on, I have not put any pressure on her too. She can decide whatever she wants for her life.
She isn’t that invested into me anyways as she had already moved on before, got into a new relationship, and then broke up, and then I entered again in her life.
So I think I am not hurting her mentally or emotionally. I’ve given her full freedom to choose.
ya so just find someone else maybe they’ll make you happiest in the world
Yes.
Thanks again
