Thank you everyone for their positive and kind words on this site.
I met my girlfriend during the pandemic on Tinder. We matched although we lived on different continents. The connection became deeper and I went to visit her (all safety precautions taken considering the pandemic) to see if this was what we thought it was. And guess what? It was. I stayed with her over 2 months where we worked from home, did chores, watched tv and all the boring couple things as well as date nights. We fell into normalcy so effortlessly. When I returned we made plans to make this work. My work enables me to move around easily so that was the first step, and then her meeting my friends and family which was also ongoing. However, in the last month she started to withdraw, stressed, overwhelmed and so on. She has a lot of responsibilities and her work is incredibly stressful. We had a few arguments where often she ‘blew up.’ Then finally, she had one huge blow out and blocked me from contacting her apart from on social media. It took over a week and a half for her to respond where she said, this all felt ‘impossibly difficult’ and felt we would get hurt eventually and wants to end it. Even though my work was set for me to move to her, my friends and family were open and supportive. It felt so out of nowhere. Just as things were ready to go from my side.
I have been reading a lot about attachment theory. And she has expressed she is an avoidant. I am largely secure, until this last month where i displayed a lot of anxious behaviour. This last month is the only time our relationship has been tumultuous and it makes sense on how we had been acting to one another.
What can i do? Give her time to think it all over and risk losing her altogether. Or step in with what introspective information i know. I know she’s struggling with her thoughts and feeling chaotic and overwhelmed. I know some understanding would help massive and potentially repair our relationship but i dont want to push and risk her running altogether.
Hello brother,
Give her some space
Like people sometimes get lock into their stressful mind then start pushing people out,
Its pandemic people are reacting in way which they don’t do normally so give her some time.
Tell her somewhere what you feel and tell her you are there for her
Retrospect you can’t do anything just wait try saying I’m there for you.
Baas
Uske aage if you do anything would just make matter much more worst.
Thank you for your response! This sounds like good advice ,i thought i would give her some more days. And then get in touch to tell her im there for her, and its ok. I dont need anything, just focus on you.
Honestly, just as a girl I could say, all she needs right now is calmness in life. Because definitely, when she asked you to end it right away, she didn’t mean it. bcs there will be an eventual realisation that seperation is not just the solution. According to me, all you should do right now is, hold your horses back… try to help her with thoughts, listen to her, explain her of she’s wrong somewhere or simply just be by her side.
If she’s spoken about giving up once, and then also when she’s not in a very good mood, it definitely means she does mean it.
Making blow outs like takin a break from a relationship, blocking from social media, not contacting for a couple of days is common sometimes… bcs somewhere or the other we will consider that a particular relationship is being a liability on our head rather then being something good. But eventually, we realise it’s not this ways.
Just try to handle your girl really calmly and in a cool manner. You don’t think about seperating right now, instead think of how you can make her situation easy for her. I’m sure she will love your support and definitely will be touched.
Lots of love n positive vibes🌟
Thank you so much for your response. This is the stance I have taken to step back and give her some time. I understand a lot of her chaotic feelings, i wish i reacted better and didnt make it about me. But retrospectively i know she was asking for herself. It wasnt related to our relationship at all.
I am thinking I will wait a week or so before sending a - hey its ok. Do what you need to do. I’m here regardless as your safe space and i love you.
Yup ! Thts a great idea👍 you got it right. trust your love and the universe, everything will be fine eventually!!
