Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Tbh i don’t know what I’m feeling heartbroken? Maybe or maybe not am i hurt idk maybe yes!! am i on the first step towards moving on i don’t maybe!! But ya i feel bad… all day every single min i am just thinking about this one thing I can’t take my mind off it I wanted to but still I can’t i don’t why it’s about the guy I love bcoz i can’t call him boyfriend or my ex bcoz we were never in a relationship one random day we said I love you to each other during conversation but ya i knew my feelings were right so I proposed him and he said pls yeh nhi krte i don’t wanna be in relationship i don’t wanna marry anyone in future but ya i love you it’s always gonna be you i was hurt but i didn’t talk to him for few days than ran back to him being friends or maybe FWB idk what I was to him but before I proposed him he used to say u are my wife lol 😂 so I don’t take it long once he disappeared like no contact for 15 days than came back than fir a month and we used had a lot fight over commitment and suddenly one day he blocks me and after few days no one hears from him like not even his cousin knows where he was and no contact to him I didn’t lose hope and after a year he came back (family issues that’s what he told) than we were going pretty okay for a month or 2 and he again blocked me and i asked why toh he said I don’t want anyone i am happy Alone and after 4 months he is again back ik he hurted me many times and many people will say I’m crazy that I’m letting him in everytime but i love him so I let him in …
But this time it’s something different like I am not that exited to talk to him we are taking for like 15 days but i just have messaged him once he is the one who’s keep texting me even sometimes i ignore but the thing is I think I’m losing feeling for him like he completely different person now he is not that person for whom I fall for a part of me knows it from the beginning that he is not right for me but still I love him but now it’s high time I have to confront him either he has to accept us or just leave us behind and ik the outcome he will leave us behind and that’s why I don’t wanna confront him…
Part of me says that i have to confront and other says he will leave so don’t do it … and I’m thinking it whole day I don’t what to do it’s so suffocating