Story of my life…
Life was pretty easy going until I joined Engineering. I am an introvert. Like most of us, I had a crush on someone who was way out of my league. After a month, I broke my silence and decided to talk to her. We talked for a while. I began to have feelings for her. Thinking that I could be close to her I got admitted to the boys hostel. But time took an awkward turn. I started drinking and smoking cigarettes, and spent a large time with my hostel mates. One of the perks of being an introvert is that you can never talk your heart out with your crush. We (of course there was no ‘we’) were just smiling at each other on campus whenever we happened to cross each other. I knew it was a one sided love story. Just so you know, we weren’t texting. In my pre-final year I decided to text her on FB. It was her birthday, so I wished her for which she copy pasted a “thank you” message. In a hope to start texting I sent her a long text wherein I wrote about her. She BRO-zoned me just like that.
After that, I felt so bad about myself that I started doing all the habits at its peak, that even affected my grades. Meanwhile I was stuck with the vicious group of friends, who took advantage of my situation.
After bachelors, she went to another country for her higher studies.
After bachelors, I went to take up GATE exam and couldn’t crack it. So, now here I am with no job in my hand staying at home and after 2 years since the graduation. And its been a year since I last met or called any of my friends or left home. People just want to talk about their achievements, brag about it, and most of them don’t even have the courtesy to hear.
Sometimes I wish to continue my education in the same country where she’s living and make her feel jealous of my success. But I’ve no idea how crack IELTS, or whether the universities there give admission with my profile.
You know how hard it is to be an introvert, and depressed. You cannot share your feelings with anyone.
I’ll probably de-activate my social media account. You know the more connections in your social media account, the more will be their posts. For a depressed mind everything hurts. Even if you tell your mind not to compare yourself with them, it won’t listen to you.
My parents on the other hand have no idea about my situation. I don’t want to bother them with this. And even if I try to make them understand it, they’ll it as a joke. For them, people can’t be depressed. Depression is for failures.
I don’t want people around me. I want to be left alone. It triggers me.
Now I have no motivation left in me, so that I can drag myself out. I have no idea what to do next. I’m at the end of the rope.