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Anonymous
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Story of my life…

Life was pretty easy going until I joined Engineering. I am an introvert. Like most of us, I had a crush on someone who was way out of my league. After a month, I broke my silence and decided to talk to her. We talked for a while. I began to have feelings for her. Thinking that I could be close to her I got admitted to the boys hostel. But time took an awkward turn. I started drinking and smoking cigarettes, and spent a large time with my hostel mates. One of the perks of being an introvert is that you can never talk your heart out with your crush. We (of course there was no ‘we’) were just smiling at each other on campus whenever we happened to cross each other. I knew it was a one sided love story. Just so you know, we weren’t texting. In my pre-final year I decided to text her on FB. It was her birthday, so I wished her for which she copy pasted a “thank you” message. In a hope to start texting I sent her a long text wherein I wrote about her. She BRO-zoned me just like that.
After that, I felt so bad about myself that I started doing all the habits at its peak, that even affected my grades. Meanwhile I was stuck with the vicious group of friends, who took advantage of my situation.
After bachelors, she went to another country for her higher studies.
After bachelors, I went to take up GATE exam and couldn’t crack it. So, now here I am with no job in my hand staying at home and after 2 years since the graduation. And its been a year since I last met or called any of my friends or left home. People just want to talk about their achievements, brag about it, and most of them don’t even have the courtesy to hear.

Sometimes I wish to continue my education in the same country where she’s living and make her feel jealous of my success. But I’ve no idea how crack IELTS, or whether the universities there give admission with my profile.

You know how hard it is to be an introvert, and depressed. You cannot share your feelings with anyone.

I’ll probably de-activate my social media account. You know the more connections in your social media account, the more will be their posts. For a depressed mind everything hurts. Even if you tell your mind not to compare yourself with them, it won’t listen to you.

My parents on the other hand have no idea about my situation. I don’t want to bother them with this. And even if I try to make them understand it, they’ll it as a joke. For them, people can’t be depressed. Depression is for failures.
I don’t want people around me. I want to be left alone. It triggers me.
Now I have no motivation left in me, so that I can drag myself out. I have no idea what to do next. I’m at the end of the rope.

3 Comments
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ayna

Hey…I can totally understand what you’re going through,but u have to get it,u have a degree, you’re educated so stand up dude and take a chance if your friends had been telling you about their achievements then take 3-4 months work hard and then do something in a way where they’ll hear about your achievements without you telling them…and about your crush honestly am telling u this from my personal experience we girls get totally zero person when it comes to those things like u knw it happened vth me all those time my bestfriend,He kept giving me the hints but like I said I had no idea but when he went abroad for studies and when his calls and messages became rare I confronted my girl friend about it and then she said me that all the time he had been trying to tell me that he loved me and all but I never got it becox he didn’t made an effort to confront his feelings in a straight way,may b the same happened vth her?may b she didn’t know how to thanked uh?

Sometimes things happened for a better reason,either u hold it for too long and let it hurt uh,or you yourself let it go cox ain’t for uh…

i

Hey you are not a failure neither is having depression
You are a fighter fighting depression :)
And there are many options where you can take drop and study for whatever exam you want to give , i understand how our parents don’t understand our situation and mock us for being sad all the time and consider it as a phase , but you , you are stronger than you think !!
Give yourself some time , try meeting some positive people in your life , life is really short , one second you will be all happy and fine and you never know what could happen next
So meet diff people , someone who finds the good in you , sidetrack those habits of smoking and drinking
Take care and I hope you do well :)

j

Believe me when I say this. You don’t have to crack NEET, IIT, JEE, GATE or whatever exams they hold to be successful. I don’t understand why no one thinks differently? Why not think of being in merchant navy, musician, graphics designer, etc. There is so much in this world! Whenever someone says they want to crack the aforementioned exams, no offense but the only vision that comes in my mind is “some goats trying to fit through a narrow gate attractively designed when the other gates (with no design but might lead to a better path) are almost left barren.” Try new things man!