Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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Lin Spadix @linha

Sometimes I look around, see the world, and I’m so glad I’m here!

The world is filled with so many different opportunities. It’s amazing how many things we can experience. From meeting new interesting people to enjoying the hot sun on my skin. And sometimes just breathing feels amazing!

Other times I look around and wonder why am I going through this. Everything I feel is just a moment, and even different feelings end up being the same in the end. Just feelings. Not even sadness can get me, just emptiness.

I figured that’s life.

I’m very proud I’ve been able to keep the other side away lately.

There was a time when I felt like I needed to be great. I aimed for perfection and in some ways I got it. But I also got sick with that. Outside I smiled and thanked compliments, inside I cried and screamed for the bar set.

I’m still growing, but I’m starting to feel more and more comfortable with what I am. I won’t forget the past and I don’t want to. I want my pain to serve as a lesson, a lesson that will walk with me through this life. I aim for happiness now. And that is a constant, not a mark at the end of the path of life that can only be reached at death.

I’m happy with myself because I am. And to be is just good enough for me.

I don’t want to be ambitious. Because I’m afraid of where that will lead me.

I have things I’d like to do in this life, but as much as I’d like those, I want to like the present more. And I do.

I might want to travel the world. But I’m also enjoying finishing this book in front of me. And I don’t want to feel bad about not traveling around the world if I was having fun reading.

Have you ever heard about the story of the two wolves fighting inside each one of us? I believe that. And sometimes I fear I’m feeding the wrong one.

I’ve done so many bad things. I’ve pushed so many away. And sometimes I feel alone. And afraid that I might go back to a state that will harm me. And afraid of hurting others because of my own pain.

That’s not who I want to be.

So sometimes, when the sun doesn’t shine, I plea.

Plea for help. Plea for a shoulder to cry on. Plea for peace. Plea for myself. Plea to remember pain. And happiness. And plea to choose the right one.

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1 reply
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@wadewilson

Are u like on drugs 😁

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