Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

sometimes i dream about you wanting me back in your life again. then i hesitate, knowing the pain i might endure again, the kind of pain that can’t be easily forgotten or cured by a simple pill. thinking that i should have trusted my gut back then not to let you in my life. i asked myself what have i gotten myself into. i am so broken by you. you should have said something simple for not wanting to be with me, like me being ugly, or that you have other priorities in life and that i was not one of them. but the reason you gave me was so vague that my brain cannot understand the logic behind it. i am sooo confused that it has bothered me a great deal, adding to the stress i have been enduring at work. i never did anything wrong to you. i was a loving and caring person. what more can you want? what more are you looking for? what more do you want from me? i gave you my everything, my whole world. wasn’t that enough for you? what else do you want from me. you should just have said that there was another person for you. you were my first, and i was your first. when i said that i liked you, you may not have understood the great big leap of faith i had to do back then in order to say those words to you. it was hard for me, but i managed to say those things just to relieve the pressure off my chest, and you accepted those feelings, you reciprocated them, and you accepted me for who i am. why now? what happened? what did i do wrong? what did i lack? the thoughts in my head are running like fire, it’s spreading all over me, consuming me. i ask God now why you and I had to meet just to cause me such a great deal of pain. why is the world so cruel. why? :'(