So today I had a road accident um… I am ok I just…have a few scratches and bruises.
It’s just 4 days ago we admitted this lady in late 40s and her daughter 17 , and son 14 were “like ma’am pls her we already lost our dad a week ago to covid. She’s all we had .”
I said um she’s very critical but we will try our best. Hence we tried our best. Ventilator par bhi she only couldn’t maintain more than 78% which was not really… ok.
She passed away and I went to the daughter and told her to call some adult from family any uncle or aunt. She said ma’am tell me what you need , does mom need anything I’ll handle by myself…I said please… please call someone.
What I have observed so far that even close ones leave you alone if you have covid so yeah I could sense that her relatives are hesitant to help out. I kept avoiding making eye contact with the girl and my consultant scolded me to give news fast as we have to take body out and it’s already packed. somehow one of her uncle (chacha) came wear double masks , scarf and shield and gloves and when he came I gave them the news. The girl she fainted. Then her brother and chacha began crying and I wanted to comfort them somehow but I couldn’t. Then she began screaming and crying so badly I just walked away with tears in my eyes.
Then they left with the body(as their mother had no turned negative earlier was positive)
I took couple deep breaths in duty room and washed my face and got back to work.
When I was on my two wheeler getting back after my shift I kept thinking about this and out no where a car came and I applied break and skid… it happens sometimes…I should drive more carefully.
Sigh. It’s hard. Life is hard.
So many families destroyed.
Just depressing and sad.
OMG I can’t even imagine what doctors are feeling during this pandemic, loosing so many lives in front of their eyes. But I just want to say I am so thankful to all doctors, out there, for everythinf they are doing.
I just want to tell you, that I understand it’s hard sometimes but just know that donot let the event stay in your brain or instill fear inside you. Maybe, Tomorrow will be better and you will save more lives than you lost, share more smiles than tears.
So, take care of yourself because only then you could make people smile.
I hope you have a good day.
Just stay strong.
God bless you :)
Thank you. All doctors are suffering most of them are taking sleeping.pills. as they are working extreme hours and facing trauma so it’s the only way to get rest.
OMG, Strengths to you! You are already doing your best Ma’am.
Take care,
God bless you
We are but if only we had enough resources it would have been better.
I understand your situation, all we can do now is to stay positive and keep calm, just take care of your mental health. Things which are not in our hands, we can’t do anything about it. Try not to take the things going bad in your head, that’s the best you can do.
I try not to take things to my head. In first wave also we did. Duties but I was able to cope but now it’s just second wave everyday was traumatic and I couldn’t process anything because I didn’t get enough time between my shifts. So yeah I have PTSD now. But I have accepted that and I am working on it
I am so sorry you are going through this, hold on, you will get through this. Better days are coming. Yaha aate rahna, whenever you don’t feel good, people will help you here.
Hugs for you
Yeah thank you.
Hello.
I cant imagine what the girl must be going through without parents. I cant imagine what you must have been through that day. Life is hard these days, sometimes when I take things for granted I constantly remind myself that I am in a better place, than millions of people losing loved ones. This story breaks my heart. We are stronger than covid and I am sure we will get through it together. I hope this helps a little. Please let me know if chatting with me helps reduce some stress and sorrow.
Yeah. Since second wave I had no where to turn to… initially I struggled a lot and felt like things were happening so fast , faster than I could process anything. But talking about stuff helps me decompress .
Agreed. Knowing that there are people out there to listen to you, always helps. Funny thing, but sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger than it is to talk to someone we know.
Definitely. I mean counselors and Psychiatrists again are strangers but on a more professional level.
I have been taking professional help though. But this website is like a journal which talks back to me :)
Yup, for me too! I get on it whenever I want and speak my heart out. Its sad that so so many people need someone to talk to. Sometimes I wonder where are we headed with so many lonely people?
I don’t know… I see lonely people in icu everyday. It was end of my shift and I had already removed the kit. But still I was told to go in as a lady was having a panic attack . We allow one family member to stay with patient if they wear a PPE kit and don’t cause us trouble so this patients husband he begged me to help his wife and he said he can’t wait for next shift. Now I myself now have PTSD and I get palpitations too so I knew how she was feeling
This is so sad. I am so sorry that you have to see this everyday. But honestly, I dont know you personally, but its great knowing that people care, that someone cares, that not everyone is callous.
I think being a doctor is difficult because people forget that we are humans , we are thirsty and dehydrated in ppe kit. Still I donned In, I was feeling so dizzy towards end of my shift and in my mind I was wondering arre! It’s 10.30pm already mess band ho gyi hogi , I will be sleeping hungry also was wondering by 11pm mumma will call me , then I felt dizzy and tripped and patients husband was like be careful doctor… I said yeah sorry. Then I saw her all curled up saying I can’t breathe I am dying , and I kept saying aunty keep your legs straight please.
Yeah, doctors are humans too, people forget. There is only so much that you can do to save a life right? I would say, do everything you can, but please take care of yourself too. You have a family too, you have people who are worried for you aswell. I know its a testing time, but hang in there my friend, I wish I could be of some help.
Her anxiety was giving me anxiety. But then I switched into power mode somehow. I took a deep breathe I grabbed her hand and said LOOK AT ME , NOT AT LIGHTS DON’T PAY ATTENTION TO VENTI SOUNDS , FOCUS ON MY VOICE AUNTY ,I slapped her face a little and then she looked at me , then I said YOU WILL NOT DIE YOU HEAR ME? I AM THE DOCTOR HERE. THEN I asked her to open her mouth and I said just keep this mouth dissolving tablet under your tongue I am gonna get you out of this ( I slipped a clonazepam 0.5mg under her tongue) and within a few minutes she began to calm down and I stayed with her holding her hand. After her panic attack she said thank you so much doctor. You literally pulled me out of death , I said listen it was just fear of death . you’re fine now. After that I came to hostel saw 8 miss calls from mumma
But I think when you do a good thing…it comes back to you, the mess aunty left the dinner in a lunch box and also my brother had ordered brownies for me so I found those two things in guard room and I ate and lol I cried , I know I have caring people in my life
Lets cry together if you have to. Hearing stories like this is breaking my heart. But lets share it together. The next time I see a doctor, I am going to smile at them and perhaps even thank them for everything they do.
And in addition to that please please please demand more part of GDP be spent on healthcare as citizens. It sucks it really sucks to work in such bad infrastructure.
Yes, Let me do everything I can :)
Cases are dipping now hopefully we will get back to normal but normal means 2covid ward , 2 covid icus , one post covid ward and 3 mucor ward will still be operational and rest 12 wards will close down in time …so we won’t be doing that frequent duties unless people decide to go crazy again and stupid govt decides to do rallies for UP elections if that happens we are doomed for a third wave.
Alright time to go to sleep as my sleeping pill is making me sleepy now. Thanks for listening to me @unbottlingmyself. Have a good night.
❤️
