So the thing is i like to spend time with my brother who is older thn me because he don’t judge me like my friends do…I am not saying my friends are bad they just want me to dress properly or they want me to look pretty whenever I am out with them…but with my brother I can go anywhere with pajamas and tangled hairs…but now I think he never liked to hangout with me…tbh I can die for him but he always choose his gf over me…like he said he will buy me a dress…but he bought her gf a pretty dress first and mine never came…he said he will be with me when my parents were not around but he left me alone at home…he said he will take me out on this upcoming weekend but he went on date with his gf…I was with him when he broke up with her and tbh I was happy I thought now he will talk to me properly now and he did and then he stopped because they started talking again…I asked him to ick me up once I thought it will be just us…but he bought his gf with him… They were laughing I was quiet but he didn’t notice…once I was angry on him because I asked him to teach me car…but he shut me down with some lame excuses and then I saw a video in which he was teaching her gf how to drive it I was angry…he and his gf said I was overreacting it was nothing big…for them it wasn’t but for me it was…today was his birthday I bought him a gift he didn’t even looked at it…he was like I will open it later…when I forced he just said “thankyou baby” he never noticed the letter which was pasted on his gift wrap…because he wanted to enjoy with his friends and his gf…he left me alone again on his birthday…I was waiting to cut cake with him but he will return tommorow now…I might eat all the cake alone now lol…and you know what hurts the most…that I have keep on pretending that I am not hurt I am all fine…because no one understands how I feel…I might not able to make u guys understand how m feeling rn…but it hurts so much…I know it might sound cruel but I want my brother to feel what I feel for just a few moments…I want to tell him that whats going on with me…but I know I will never be able to…I just don’t want him to look down on me…I don’t want to be a burden on him…I don’t want to be a person in his life who he want to runaway from…I don’t know why I am so obsessed with him…I don’t know why can’t I be the one to push him away…I don’t know till when I will keep on letting thing go…idk maybe he have many people around him who genuinely like him or want to be with him…but I only had him…I know I am the one at fault here…but still I want him…why can’t I be first priority to him…I have always
Been second choice to everyone in whole life…all I wanted was to be the first choice for my brother…but life is hard again I ended up being second choice to him but I know he will be my first priority always…I do love him and always will even if he keeps on breaking me…I am stupid I know but I can’t help it.
I understand what are you going through, man you must be feeling heavy I really feel your pain!
Let me tell you one thing stop thinking something as Priority list ki I am on first or second either it is with your friends or with your brother. He doesn’t spend time with your parents as well right? That doesn’t mean they don’t mean anything for him, it’s just he is taking you and your emotions for granted. He is in love, and in the beginning of romantic relationship people tend to forget god as well, we are only humans, I know you are seeing him as a brother, a real one but instead of looking at him like that try to look at him as a normal person for once, try to look at him as a normal friend who has a gf now. You might understand his POV and also you already told how you feel, it should be between you and him, but you mention he and his gf told u r overreacting, ANY FIGHT in the world if it remains between to person it will be better sorted!
And honestly there is no right solution for this, but all I can suggest is get a new hobby or to know more people, have ur own schedules. This will help you heal and get over things.
It’s never a good idea to be emotional dependent on anyone, not even our siblings or parents.
I know it’s my fault to feel this way…it’s just that i am very boring person…i dont know how to be with other human beings my conversation skill sucks and that’s whyy I don’t have many friends…and I just enjoyed being with him…never in my life anyone thought good of me…my brother was the only one who never judged me…but when I am thinking about it now it feels like he never cared…I hate to think it but I think that i can never be loved…my parents keep on telling me i am fat, i am becoming dark and all my friends only talk to me because I give them emotional support thats all…and now my brother also dumping me for another girl…Idk what I have done to others why can’t they like me…they say I am toxic okay I accept but I have a past okay…all I ever want in my life was a person who can have belief in me that I can…I want someone to trust me…someone to make me smile through my bad days… someone to whom I can share my thoughts without getting judged…someone who can tell me that I am doing something wrong…why do I have to be the one to get hurt always…I know I am not the best person but I try okay I try every day to become better but m just scared that what if I will do something wrong…instead of telling me how to do it right people will start throwing their words to me…maybe for others it’s okay to get scolded after doing something wrong but for me its not it makes me more vulnerable…there are so many things I go through every second…just because I pass it with a smile doesn’t mean I am fine…that’s the reason I love to be with my brother because he never makes me vulnerable…IDK why I am telling all this to u…maybe it was just a bad day for me…or I was keeping things through me for so long
If it is bad day you won’t understand this, but still I am gonna say it to you!
Firstly stop blaming your self, labelling yourself boring, fat, dark is called self pity, stop pitying your self. I don’t know your name but let’s say your name is X. X need some love, but you yourself not loving X how other will?
I understand that you have been never understood properly by people and it’s only your brother who accepted you the way you are! But let me tell you he was your comfort zone, you have to get out of your comfort zone. You told you want someone to TELL you how to be what to do, why that someone can’t be you? Yourself? Trust me people themselves are clueless on how to behave or what to do! They have no clue on how to guilds you so they will never guide you! You can do it for yourself.
1. Get out of your comfort zone
2. If you are fat you can always try few exercise either try to accept ur self that way or work on changing it
3. If you feel ur skin is getting spoiled you will get many videos on skin care touting, a simple moisturiser and sunscreen will go long way. These all seem rocket science but trust me it is not!
4. Stop making your life all about your brother! I know he is important but you are more important to you than ur brother! NO ONE OUT THERE IS GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU
I know everyone else seems to have fun or have friends but everyone’s lives are completely different, just focus on you, TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!
I know you are strong enough to take constructive criticism but that doesn’t mean there will be a person out there who will do that for you!
Positivity and happiness is in your hands
