So I’ve been in this state for the past 1 year. I was in a relationship for 3.5 years. We had our ups and downs but we sailed through. My boyfriend was a person who had a lot of anxiety and would overthink a lot. So most of our relationship I just heard him rant and try and help him to become better emotionally and mentally. It was emotionally exhausting for me. I was mostly in guilt all the time. Guilt of not giving him enough time, guilty of spending time with friends, when I could spend time with him, walking on eggshells around him because he was too sensitive at times, any issue I had with him, he would turn to self-loathing and then I had to end up comforting him and not talking about what I was feeling. I don’t think he did it intentionally because he was always very loving and caring, other than the times when he needed me to emotionally support him, he was absolutely amazing. I made mistakes, broke up twice because I was emotionally exhausted, but we made up and got back.
So anyway, last year he turned 22 and his family started pressurising him to get married, and so he pressured me to talk to my parents. I was 20, just finishing my graduation and preparing for masters. I had spent the last 4 years convincing my dad to send me out, to a different state or country to pursue my education. I asked him to tell his parents that he can’t get married now. His parents knew about us and told him that he can get married to me until I say yes right now. Since I wasn’t ready to get married, and give up my education, he and I decided to part ways and move on. He kept texting me while looking for potential matches. Kept unloading his emotional vulnerabilities on me and I kept supporting him throughout. He didn’t tell his parents that he doesn’t want to get married, he didnt fight for me. He texted me till 3 days before his engagement. A day after his engagement got fixed I realised that I really can’t let him go and asked him to break it off, I told him I would get married to him, I spoke to my parents and did everything I could, but he said no. He said he had decided to move on because I hurt him so much, he chose a stranger over me. It’s been 3 months to his engagement and I’m still stuck on him. And he is already in love with the new girl.
Now I’m going through anxiety and depression, knowing I won’t ever get over this, or him. Never fall in love again. I’m just trying to survive each day as it comes. Ive felt Suicidal, had thoughts and hoped that I die. Ive lost my sense of self confidence and self image. I was once so happy and energetic, I’ve just become a shell of a person now.
A_A @aabha
Dear don’t be sad. Move on. Find someone who understand you without playing with your feelings. Be casual with others if you want to overcome and never feel guilty for your mistakes. Mistakes makes us perfect. Just move on dear. If he found someone else for his happiness then why not you?? You deserve your happiness as to find someone better. Never lose your hope. Have faith and do believe ki Jo hota hai kisi acche chiz k lie hota h. 🙂
I still don’t think he played with my feelings, we had decided we would still be there for each other, and that one could always text the other if needed, but instead of making an effort and convincing his family, he just kept expecting me to leave everything. He never once tried to meet me, to make things work out in anyway. I was responsible for making him happy then, now I’m unable to find my own happiness
A_A @aabha
You contact him. And convince him to meet and share your feelings. Might be possible ki wo smjhe. If not then make a happy ending and move on. I know this is hard to get out but be your own strength to stand up again.
He is engaged now. It’s been 3 months, the last time I spoke to him, after his engagement, he blamed everything on me. Ki I didn’t stand up, and I was selfish, and I took him for granted. Milkar karu bhi kya? The last time I asked him to meet, he said he’ll bring his fiance as well. Usko aur dukh dekar mai kaise khush rahu
A_A @aabha
To aap move on kro. This is not your fault alone. Pyar dono TRF se hota h. Be positive dear. Wake up and open your window, let enter the sun’s rays in your dark room for your better path without any guilt and mistakes.
Thankyou
Akash Dalal @skybroker
i would seriously advice you to consult a therapist. i can understand what are you going through but i m sorry i cannot help as i don’t have any experience to tell you ehat to do next…
i m sorry i m here for you if you want to talk about anything. i would hear you.
but please i would tell you to consult a psychologist because i want you to come out of depression and overcome your anxiety. please do not harm yourself. hugs
Thankyou
Hi my dear,
Gone through your heartwrenching post…
N responses too…
I have no words
I donot know what to say that will bring comfort to you…
To start with
Thank you dear for opening up.
For sharing
For expressing…
Dear if you can help someone who was in depression n anxiety
You can help urself too…
It will be challenging
It will be difficult
But u are a fighter
A warrior…
Yes it is miserable what you are going through…
But dont u think you are punishing urself…
If he has moved on
Dont you feel you too deserve happiness???
Dear if he has ended it…
You too end it
I know it is simple for me to write…
But
You will have to make a new beginning…
Your life is so so precious
U had a life before him too
N that was infact longer than the period of your togetherness
See the FIRST STEP would be ACCEPT…
Pls accept it is over
Drop all your expectations from this relation
No hopes
Because if you will keep hope u willnot be able to move on…
Next step DROP ALL THE GUILT N GRUDGES
FORGIVE FORGET…
NEITHER YOUR FAULT
NOR HIS
IT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE
STOP DISSECTING
STOP THINKING WHY IT HAPPENED
COME OUT OF ALL IFS N BUTS…
Next STEP
NOW IS THE TIME TO GIVE PRIORITY TO SELF
You were interested in.studing
You convinced ur parents
So put ur heart n mind into books
Study well
Make your career
Make your life
Take good care of ur health
Eat well
Sleep well
Follow creative pursuits
Meet new ppl
Make friends
Explore new things in life
You are so young
So much u can do in life
N you will do
Just TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE…
ALSO STAY AWAY FROM ALL THAT REMINDS YOU OF HIM
NO VISITING HIS SM PROFILES
STAY AWAY FROM HIM N HIS LIFE…
STAY STRONG
VERY VERY STRONG…
HELP URSELF OUT OF THIS
IMMENSE POWER,STRENGTH N LIGHT TO YOU…
I am sorry
If my words appear harsh
But pls try to take this as an advice from an elder sister…
Your life is ultimately your life
Make your life dear girl…
You will overcome this…
Good luck to you…
Your bright future awaits you
Pls embrace it with open arms
Put ur past to rest…
Dear
NEVER LET LOVE BECOME UR WEAKNESS
LIVE FOR URSELF
LIVE FOR UR FAMILY…
Hey There!
At first, I adore you for your courage. You know, how much so ever we talk about the statistics, a father never feels safe to send her daughter to other state or country, due to insecurities and fear. It is his inner love. Now talking about your love, if he can’t love the girl who was there for him through his nooks and keens, I think it is just not right that you hold him up in your heart with so much care. He has moved on. A guy, who couldn’t talk to his parents to just give you some time to study, is not right guy for you. Maybe, in future, he would have taken you from granted. And, I don’t understand, why(boys as well as girls) consider their parents words for marriage? Do they even consider taking advice from them regarding the person they are going to be in relationship with? A majority of them, don’t. Arey, if you can propose or love someone without your parent’s consent or permission, then have the same courage to take the person to your parents and tell them that you love him/her and you want to be with him/her all throughout your life.
Girl, I salute you. You are too strong. Just complete your MBA, get a good job or do whatever you have chalked out. Think that, it was just a bad past. Don’t ruin your present and future thinking about a person, who just let go off you, just for someone he was engaged for a day.
Life is a far more bigger picture than that. Love yourself yaar. take yourself out. Have a good music therapy. Maintain a good diet. Find love in small things you do in life, may be you will find yourself at peace.
Suicidal thoughts are not a solution bacha. You have a lot to see as you grow old…
This too shall pass…
Take Care
