Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

So I kept this thing to myself and never shared it with anyone but today I feel that I should talk about it.
Last year I was in 11th grade and of course, due to the pandemic, the schools were closed.
I started talking to this boy who was in my grade only and he was a very sweet boy. I mean I had never met a boy like him. I started to have feelings for him and I think even he had feelings for me but he was too shy to express them. I liked him so much that I could literally do anything for him. At that time I was giving exams for admission to another school. I thought that if I don’t get accepted into another school, I will definitely date this guy. But I got accepted and decided that maybe I should not date him now because it will be really hard for us to see each other and my parents were already very strict, they did not let me go anywhere.
So when I got accepted I thought that I should just tell him how I feel about him because I was really not able to keep that to myself. I confessed to him and he said the same thing that I’ve changed my school and we won’t able to see each other so often. And after that, we did not talk that much not because we were awkward or something, it’s just we were out of topics but still we used to have short conversations in a month or two.
Now, we hadn’t talked in a while, and on the night of 21st October (it was also his birthday), my friend called me and said that “He has committed suicide”.
I can’t describe what I felt. It was so heart-aching that I couldn’t believe what I heard for the next few minutes. I thought that some people are pulling a prank but I was wrong. He actually committed suicide.
That night was the worst night of my life. I loved him. I loved him so much that not for a second I could think about anything else except him. I did not expect that I would get hurt this much. I have never loved anyone that much. The tears won’t stop coming out of my eyes. I couldn’t even share it with anyone else because they would think that I’m doing all this for attention and drama because he and I were not that close in school.
It’s been 7 months since he is gone, I still have feelings for him. I still cry. I still miss him.
The grief is still here. Sometimes he comes to my dreams and it breaks my heart to look at him, to think about him. I have not recovered from this tragic incident yet.
Wherever he is, I hope he is happy and in peace.❤️