Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

So as of right now, I’m okay. I guess. Neutral is the best thing I can come up with. Practically everyday is neutral. Like 70%. So on Friday, this past friday, I got no sleep at all. Maybe like an hour or two. I couldn’t fall asleep. Part of my brain knows that it should fall asleep but another part says no, stay awake. I hate those days. But I do remember having a dream that freaked me out. In the dream, I was back at our old house and I was in the kitchen. I was looking at my phone but then I heard the stove sizzling. But the stove wasn’t turned on, it was off. Right now I don’t remember much except for the fact that all the lights were flickering on and off. Like yo would see in those movies that have ghosts and demons. Even a flash light. The next thing that happened in the dream was that my parents came back home and the lights stopped flickering. I told them what happened and they didn’t believe me. I distinctly remember thinking in my dream about running away and not coming back. I remember the fear that I felt after I woke up. Part of the dream, I was in a building with these creatures and I was able to leave. I left something behind but the fear of going back for it out weighed the need for what I forgot.

And now last night, I had a different dream. I was at this event in a dream and to be honest I would never wear a dress. I might be a female but wearing a dress is not something I would do. Now back to the dream. Anyway, I was tasked to get snacks for important people of the event. I go and look for it and it takes a while and then I found it. But I came across this guy. I don’t remember much about his face but I do remember being very close to him. I just remember the warmth coming from him. The heat of his skin. I’ve had other dreams almost similar. I never see the face or even remember what they look like. Just the way they make me feel. I hate sleep and I hate my dreams. Some of them are nice. Only like 5% and the 95% are just fears. Is it possible to be tired of sleeping? To be tired of the process of falling asleep? Or even being tired of just being here in the moment, waiting for something definite to happen so that you can just be more than here in the moment. Probably rambling. I have moment of thinking about the end. So to speak. But then the fear of ending it seems so big and daunting. Such big feelings from two dreams that I mention. I hate it truthfully.