Xie @xie
Small warning—this is long and definitely not cheerful.
Every morning, I feel like I put on this mask of ‘I’m happy!’. I go to school and talk to my friends only to come home and feel myself revert back to…awful.
This is not because my family is bad or something, they’re the best. But at home I can shed one protective layer because, really, everyone’s thinking about something else.
Thoughts like, nothing matters, the worlds to f-ed up anyway, people are horrible, no one will remember you in the end, you’re horrible, worthless, and you’ll never find happiness, you’ll die alone, etc. When it gets bad, sometimes my thoughts are suicidal.
I’ll think “I know now these feelings are real, I’ll talk to my parents in the morning.”
But only to wake up with my mask on.
Cowardly, right?
I’ll convince myself I’m over those feelings, only to get them back.
I’ll never cry though. That raised questions and will make people think I’m over dramatic and I crave attention. That scares me most. I never want people to think I’m making these sick feelings up.
I HATE MYSELF already, so I might as well not hate me more for making people think I just want attention. That sickens me.
I JUST WANT HELP.
The worst part is I’m to fucking scared to ask for help, because what if I can’t be helped? Then my parents would know. Would they think, “Oh, my child’s going through something everyone goes through, they’ll be fine.” or “Does Xie want attention?”
If they do believe me, can they even help?
rag @rag17
You can talk to me i will listen to you ,or do you have any trusted friends ukk talking helps just vent to a friend tell them your problems if you want solutions ask for it and if you feel distant with family seek comfort from strangers but don’t give in to those thoughts and most importantly please take care ❤️
Xie @xie
Thanks. I really apprecitate your comment and I will try. :)
rag @rag17
Yess if you wanna talk about something I promise you I will listen
Xie @xie
So kind! Omg, I dunno why, but its so hard to find nice people like you at my school!
rag @rag17
Search hard enough and you will
Raj Chauhan @raj1403
Yes please family loves u unconditionally. We need to express ourselves in right way. We need to be compassionate and show apathy to them too. It’s not easy life for them too … so please don’t hold back. Talk and get things happening towards a better tomorrow
Xie @xie
Thanks a ton. I’ll try to open up, this is the first step, right? : ) Have a great day.
Raj Chauhan @raj1403
The pleasure was all mine 😊
Xie @xie
If you want to talk to me, ever, I’ll try to respond and help. :) Have a nice day. Thx for listening