Now&Me @nowandme
Q&A with Dr. Rashi Agarwal on March 13, 2021.
@drrashiagarwal is an M.B.B.S, M.D. in Psychiatry. She is a life member at IMA (Indian Medical Association) and also IAPP (Indian Association of Private Psychiatry). Her specialisation is in the field of Psychiatry and she is working towards busting mental health myths to de-stigmatise mental illnesses. She likes to spread her message via fun and interesting methods such as Instagram Reels, in order to connect with a wider community.
Feel free to take her opinion and advice on your mental well-being. It is an open discussion!
You can post your questions below by March 12, 2021 (Friday).
Asking questions shows strength, not weakness.
š§” Ask away and stay informed! š§”
Does being in a toxic family ur whole life make u a toxic individual? What measures can be taken to deal with a toxic parent
It does not make u toxic,just donāt allow their toxic energy to come onto you. Find hobbies to stay away from the toxciness. My parents are toxic and I just had to end up leaving. My mother is now getting better after realizing what sheās done to me and my siblings and how she hurt us. Some people canāt change. Most can. Alot donāt wanna. I hope u are OK! And Iām here to talk.
Madam namaste šā¦
I would remove all the toxicity but not until u know u can go off on ur own. Im here if u wanna talk or need it. A person is never alone you donāt know who is out there waiting for someone is talk to.
Hello,
I love my sister very much. But we always end up fightung even if we try to talk and her talking tiggers anger in me and i start telling things like you are negative and depressive and my life problem. How to handle the situation so that i dont lose control over myself next time.
Hey . Sibling relationships are very different and they keep on changing time to time . Like in younger age and teenage you tend to fight a lot cause of hormonal and both growing through the puberty together. With age and understanding you will have a bonding and stable relationship . Try to figure things out why such things are happening and not to blurt out why fights are happening
I lack self confidence and even doubts myself in any situations that demand responsibility. Iām not at all well from my childhood days as I had no one to guide me in the proper way and so I lack the knowledge of behaving in a society and how to take up on any comments whether positive or negative. My parents didnāt get the time thats why they wer busy in building a good house for us and other things. We were brought up from the lower levels of society and so always have a feeling that I donāt belong in a CBSE school which is filled with children from upper class family and all. I always had that feeling. I always escaped from them bcz some of them even tried to see me as a stupid stubborn person. So from my childhood onwardz i was like only centered to myself. Just studying and coming back and all. And so I always run away from situation that I need to speak up for myself mam i donāt have the guts to open up myself for even my needs when everyone bullies me
its a change that we are facing as a society. from joint family system which had its own advantages and disadvantages but we had people to talk to and be with us. with coming age of nuclear family system we tend to feel lonely as parents go off to work and kids to school. you dont need to compare yourself to anyone. learn to tap on your talents and strengths. if you have determination and will to do something good you will surely succeed in life and no one can stop you. try and concentrating on yourself and building yourself up.
Hi. Am a 35 year old female from India. I used to self-deprecate to make others comfortable with me or atleast I thought am doing it so that I can have sustained relationships. Over a period of time, I realized that my self-esteem is at stake and that people donāt value me. Then, I did start talking mind and I have now lost few friendships and even close relatives. Am caught in a dilemma if am right in doing so. I feel lonely at times these days as I donāt have many people around. Please suggest the best way forward.
Shashidhar @shashidhar117
Hi! How are you doing!
I supposed you did all these after marriage to be comfortable with in-laws and stuff. But I am glad you realised your value and started to respect yourself.
Yes, I understand sometimes the great starts with very fewer people to hang around.
Donāt worry keep chin-up, have a routine, read books, go for walk. A healthy diet, start loving yourself. Loneliness is a great teacher, you will have enough time to spend on your well being.
You can make great friends here too.
Feel free to ping anyone here to talk and make you feel better.
hey i am sorry you have to go through this. i understand how life changes and how we as females are conditioned to sacrifice our mental and physical well being for the same. try and building up your strengths and surely you will attract someone who sees that and values you equally. it will take time and some practice for self love. slowly it will take you from lonliness to soltitude
Hi mam. First of all thank you for taking initiative to answer this Q&A. Our country needs more people like you coming forward to spread awareness against mental health. Thank you @nowandme for conducting this Q&A.
My question:
How do I stop comparing myself with everyone?
Often I start feeling insecure when Other people in my life/family are loosing weight , studying day and night and achieve their goals. I know I should be happy for them and I am. But I always feel drained by seeing people achieving things. I completely loose my self esteem and get trapped in anxiety.
Same person.
I have my NEET PG exam coming up in a month and I am forced to do combined studies with this one neighbour. I am kinda sure that I wont make it this time. But she insists on doing so many grand tests ,always asking what I am learning(I ask her too but she has a good pace of learning) But I have alot to catch up on. She is way more senior to me and I just graduated last year. My family members are also asking only daily updates on my studies. My mood is getting fluctuated,I feel hell lot of depressed,losing my self esteem slowly and even have suicidal thoughts continuously. Should I consult a psychiatrist or a therapist? My family is kinda against taking therapy but I dont know how long I can go through with all of this.
We as a society havenāt taught to be self sufficient. Itās a very common tendency to start comparing when something around us change. Try to discover your talents and what are you are comfortable In . Work on them and that will build confidence in you
Hi dr.Agarwal,Im a 22 yr old,who is about to finish final mbbs ā¦i really want to pursue psychiatry as MD. Can you tell me want should I expect from the branch and how did u choose psychiatry as your MDā¦thank youā¤ļø
This Q made me happy. Itās a different branch . You need to develop speaking skills and patience . Itās a very interesting branch and also itās not a saturated field as for now.
Dear Dr Rashi
One of my friends recently confided in me that heās been taking weed every week from 2 years. I was shocked and couldnāt believe it, didnāt know how to react, respond or help.
How do I help him get over it? It hurts to see someone so close suffer. How should I respond in such a situation?
Many people consuming cannabis / weed for recreational purposes though it is illegal . It might be difficult for you to convince them that itās an illegal and dangerous drug and can have long term side effects on the mind. You can educate yourself and try to convince them to visit a psychiatrist or a counseller
Iāve got to know that one of my friends has been taking weed atleast once a week from the last 2 years.
Iām shocked, disappointed and in pain because Iām seeing a brilliant person really struggle.
How do I help him get better from a distance? How do I respond and be able to handle this unexpected news better?
Hello maam
Its been three years, but my past still haunts me. I am unable to accept anyone. I am unable to trust. How do I get past my memories? all this has caused a lot of self doubt in me. How do I overcome that?
Itās difficult to analyse and process your emotions . Itās completely normal to feel hurt / lost and also sad over something that has happened in the past. But if itās hampering your social and personal life get professional help as soon as possible
Hey!!
I have these two guys in my head one is my best friend whom ik for years n I was really in love with him at start he did had the same feelings for me but a few months ago he choose someone else over me. I was in depression for past 6 months but still I canāt overcome it. I decided to stop talkin to him but its just not happening. Then a few months ago I met a guy online n since they I had a crush on him we did hangout a few times but now due to exams we aināt able to meet. We already decided that we wonāt date or be in relationship n even I donāt expect anything but I just canāt remove him from my head. I have my exams in few months but Iām not able to concentrate more on that all in my head is going about these two guys. I really donāt know what to do. At night I cry to myself that no one is ready to accept me or just donāt want. This all makes me feel that I have some faults. I just wanna focus on my careers but this thoughts end up coming in my mind. Can uh please help me to get out of this n guide me to focus on my career??
Was in same scenario before and now I m ending up with arrange marriage
Itās good uh ended up in arrange marriage but for me now I want to make my careers thatās more imp for me. Can uh please tell how did uh got those ppl out from ur head??
By reminding myself about my self respect ppl donāt change you have to change it took me also 2 yrs but see what it lead me too nothing everything was a waste believe that if u become you will attract better ppl in life
Thank you so much for sharing all this. It will really help me.
š
need help to know what is right and wrong?
My image is spoilt because I had slept with a married senior and my past I thought he is a good person and told him things he spread it to whole college that I trying to break his marriage and the college is laughing at me and plus he said I bitch about every person in college so they stopped talking to me only because of this one person who manipulated me so much that I almost spoilt my life and now my parents wants me to get married because of all this.but I want to do job and study but I donāt know I should continue here or find new place??? As this ppl will continue doing what they are doing and it will affect mental heal
Thatās sad to know and I can understand that you must be hurt after this incident . You must be feeling bad that after all this manipulation you came out as a bad person on this scenario . Learn and try to practice boundary settings that how much you want to introduce people into your level and to what level
Thank you because of such incident I hate everyone now like everyone around me I doubt everyone
how to become a researcher in psychology field?
Hi, doctor
Actually am very emotional and overthinker. I feel negativity for myself that why am feel lack of confidence. I know all solution but I canāt force myself for implementations thing which help me to grow. Please help š„ŗ
hello. thank you for your questions and i applaud you for showing strength to take care of your mental health and taking it seriously. if you have consistently been having these symptoms of low mood, negativity and feeling stressed , with sleep disturbances please consult a professional and you can get benefitted by therapy and medications both
I have a friend who is going through a bad breakup. The guy she is breaking up with is a textbook definition of a toxic person. He has been gaslighting her and stalking her all the way to her workplace. I have been consoling her and trying to make her understand what she is actually dealing with here, but while doing so I think I feel exhausted and its affecting my mental peace. I do want to help her tho, really donāt what I should do ?
thatās sad to hear. how are we progressing when people have not started treating others with the same respect and with care and love. i understand what you are going through as a friend who wants to help your friend and i believe we all have sometimes been in those shoes of trying to help and then feeling mentally exhausted. you have to start keeping yourself first and take care of your physical and mental health. i know your concern arises from a place of love and care but you also have to see if the other person is wanting your help and concern or not. some lessons have to be learnt by experiencing and maybe not by help of others. you can ask them to make a journal / diary in which similar patterns can be noted which can help with your cause of showing that its a repeated toxic pattern whoch wone do any good in future.
Hi
I have a fear of losing people. Itās just thoughts that keep coming up randomly that someone met with an accident or someone is trying to commit suicide. I am not sure how to get rid of them.
It might be OCD if theyāre repetitive and uncontrollable. I am no expert but itās been ruining my life so I know what itās like to have irrational thoughts.
Iād reccomend a diagnosis
Hello . You need to find some things . Are these thoughts repetitive . Do they occur all the time ans affect your personal and professional life . I would advice you to see a professional to get help ans get yourself evaluated
Can anxiety and depression affect the stomach and our appetite? If yes how to get back normal appetite?
Yes completely itās a less known fact that anxiety and depression are only in the head but in reality they are affecting each and every organ in your body . Seek professional help if condition continues or worsens
Anushree @anushree
Is depression a mental issue for this generation only? How to overcome depression? How to know whether you need medical help or not for depression?
no not at all. depression and other mental illness are age old and they are surfacing now due to awareness and us acknowledging the fact that they exist independently and need specific treatment of their own. Depression is a common mental disorder. Globally, more than 264 million people of all ages suffer from depression. social media can be the reason for increase as āMillennials were the first generation to grow up with the constant flow of information from the internet and social media [and] they are being bombarded with details about the personal and professionals lives of others,āDepression to be the biggest cause of ill health by 2030: WHO. you need to seek a professional immediately in case you feel something somewhere is wrong .
I am someone who is extremely conscious about my weight. I guess it is because I was very skinny as a kid. But then i stepped into my teenage years and suddenly it seemed to me that over the night i gained all this weight and developed breasts that are too big for my short height. And it was like i became a different person with all these changes happening in me. And i hated it. I hate when people comment on my sudden weight gain and advice to do this and that. I hate it when i look into the mirror and couldnt see myself anymore. I hate it when every time i dont fit in my own clothes as my chest wont allow it. To be honest I am not that fat. I am your average heavy person. My chest just sticks out badly making me look like a balloon. And i dont have a problem with my weight because i want to look good. I am a complete tomboy. No, I have a problem because this isnt me. I wasnt like thisā¦ And i just cant get that out of my head. I have tried so hard to lose weight, too hard. But i cant exactly get rid of my chest can i? I have been the worst friend to myself. I have exercised, cycled, jogged and i eat less than you can imagine. Nothing works. And sometimes i obsess so bad about my weight, that i do things in frustration. I know weight defines nothing and i know i need to make peace with myself. I just dont know how.
Society has created a set norm for an ideal body and we all try to desperately fit in leading to body image issues and stress in everyday life. This is your body and your first and only solo home. Try to find comfort and also seek therapy to learn more about yourself
I am a teenager and i dont have many friends. I had this one best friend and i used to think the world of her, but then we fell out at the end of junior school and even though we made up a year later i have been keeping her at bay. The same happened with a few other people, we were friends at first and then i just pushed them away. And when people leave or suddenly forget that i exist, it doesānt really affect me like i knew it was gonna happen anyway. I dont fit in at school, i dont understand my classmates and the world they are so interested in. Some people tell me that i am independent because i dont really need other people. My sister tells me that i dont know how to ask for help or share my problems or even my thoughts and feelings. My brother tells me i am a lesbian because i am not really interested in boys or the drama that goes on in high school. I dont know who is right or who is wrong, i just feel very alone some nights.
ask yourself some things , do you only like the rush of making new frinds, or new people and you tend to get bored of them easily and seek adventure elsewhere. try and start journalling and seek therapy asap as it will help you in reorganizing your thoughts.on other hand āMillennialās canāt help but compare their situations and achievements to everyone elseās, which can leave them feeling insecure and unaccomplished,ā. there is the problem that we donāt acknowledge the problems and keep blaming others or some or other situation. if you feel alone, sad , lonely with disturbed sleep and appetite please seek professional help and it can help in improving your life
Is it normal to dive into your imagination in order to escape real life? I have become so involved in television characters and their stories that i totally forget about my own life and their reality becomes mine. It hurts sometimes when i feel everything they feel. But its not just that. Its my imaginary friend too. I dont have many people in my life but i am not lonely. Then why do i do this? Is something wrong with me?
social media and the tech era has brought its share of pros and cons Then thereās the reality that social media interactions are simply less real, substantive, and protective than ones in real life. āI see many young adults who say they are social, but their social interactions consist of talking with people online while playing a video game for hours.These types of social interactions arenāt allowing for true sharing, connectedness, or feeling known. we try to build a comfrotable world with our imagination where there is no one to challenge me. so it saves you trouble of discomfort but it will also not challenge your boundaries and wont let you grow as a person of intellect. nothing compares to real life human interaction no matter how hard w etry
Hello!
sometimes its really hard for me to believe that i am good enough and i deserve things. Most of the times i think to myself that i am not worth anything and i am not capable to do anything. i know i lack self-confidence but why do i have such a low bar for myself. i dint want to feel this way.
i want optimism inside of me. i just donāt what to do and how to tap into that part of my brain. :(
hello, is this feeling long lasting or have you recently developed this. people with low self-esteem feel less sure of their abilities. People with low self esteem may not feel motivated to try things because they donāt believe theyāre capableāor worthyāof success. please consider therapy which which help you in reorganizing your thoughts in a systematic manner
Yeah, these negative feelings have been there for long. Whenever I try to think or believe that i am capable, the negativity just overpowers it.
I dont know how to stop feeling so small about myself. I know i am a good person but sometimes i feel like crawling out of my own skin and becoming someone else. I dont know how to stop.
many factors can influence self-esteem. Some of the things that might impact your self-esteem include
Age
Disability
Genetics
Illness
Physical limitations
Socioeconomic status
Thought patterns,
try finding out why you have started feeling this way, and also therapy for organisation your thoughts.
i am 21 , and i feel i can never find love , am i too hard to be loved ?
Hello
I lack self confidence and always run away from my responsibilities. I always self doubt myself. I always depend on my friends to make decisions for me due to lack of confidence in myself. Itās more like whenever I am confident about myself, I always end up disappointing myself. And whenever I donāt expect anything from myself,things what I want just happens.
is it something new that has formed or its that because of a recent event that this has occured . people with low self-esteem feel less sure of their abilities. They may not feel motivated to try things because they donāt believe theyāre capableāor worthyāof success. do you also feel frequently sad , let down by others, decreased sleep , do try taking professional help and therapy which will help in building your confidence .
Hi nothing related to my problems but when I read about you I see myself there I am studying in 11th std and I also wish to become a psychiatristā¦may I know how was your journey plzzz:))))
its good to hear someone willingly wanting to take up this profession. you need to have PCB in 12 th . then prepare for NEET exam for M.B.B.B THATS FOR 4.5 YEARS , then give EXIT exam , then internship for 1 year, then NEET exam for post graduation 3 years in M.D. psychiatry or DNB Psychiatry 2 years , then can practice as a psychiatrist. optional can also do S.R. SHIP AND FURTHER FELLOWHSIPS in psychiatry . good luck
Thank you so much!
How to deal with emotional trauma and depression?
How to be in a happy relationship?
How to interact with more and more people?
Iām an 2020 engineering graduate and still havenāt gone for one job interview just applying online. I feel Iām not capable of job and I donāt have any skills and I got these huge dreams and ambitions but now when itās time I stepped downā¦Iām being a failure and a cry baby which is deteriorating my self worth my faith in myself and I kinda am scared of succes I donāt know whyyy maybe because as a child my family always put me down and called me dumb and made me feel like a failure but I canāt dwell on past now I really need to get a job and get out of my hometown and find myself and excel in lifeā¦Please kindly guide me through this that would mean a lottt to me! Thank you ā¤ļø
Any idea why I like my teacher who isā¦ a lot older than me?? Or any way to stop liking him?
Also, Iāve been debating a suicide attempt. I just need help and Iām scared itās the only way people will understand and take it seriously. I donāt want to die any more but I donāt know. I just feel like such shit
I have gone through breakup where I havenāt got any clouser in nov and from then till now i have not been able to recover from it
Still now I used to get emotional and that too this much that I canāt hold my tears back and i am having a lot of thoughts like why he ghosted me out and so on
I m not able to forgive neither him for doing all this to me nor to myself for allowing him to be in my life n doing this
Jafar Abbas @jafarabbas33
As a lot of people have asked their questions, I will try to keep mine short. I think nothing matters. I have a super vague belief in god. I donāt love anyone. I am just trying to survive as I know one day we are going to die and it seems like no one is controlling the bad things happening.
Ciao!
Hi.
I overthink alot. This has made my life miserable. Also I do get alot of negative thoughts and sometimes dreams.
I am insecure about my looks. I donāt even feel like going out.
Can you help me out?
Hi. Glad to get this opportunity! I have toxic parents and though, I try my best to detach from them when they cross their limits but sometimes their jabbing taunts really hurt me and I cannot keep my emotions under control. So, I end up lashing out at them, while telling them about all the ways they have treated me wrong and start crying uncontrollably. As usual, it doesnāt has any effect on them and they blame me for all of it at the end.
Ik I cannot change them but I really want to get stronger and learn how to not let them get the best of me. Can you please suggest some concrete ways in which I can become emotionally detached from their hurtful taunts passed on my personal life/decisions?
Ankush agrawal @ankush85
How to come up with past memories after divorce? Everytime she is in mind making me disturb while working, sleeping each and every moment of the day I miss herā¦
is there a way for me to not think about my problems stressfully but strongly? like positively endure them and work hard so as to not break.
Hey! I am a 22 year old woman. I have a perfect life, a good and supportive family, great friends and a wonderful boyfriend. Itās just that i am not happy and i feel like i dont know who i am, what i have become or where i am going. I have these many people but still i cant share to them what i feel, its cause I donāt want to, its cause even i dont know why i feel this way. I have had certain traumatized experiences from the past, that changed me, i got so anxious that it gets hard for me to get out of my home, i got so many fears about relationships that i always anticipate worst possible scenarios so that i could just be prepared dor anything bad that is coming. Its just i dont know when this started and when i became like this, i am not suicidal per se (i have been in the past) but i have no hopes on this life either. Its just no matter how much i try , it gets harder, and bigger. I have been practicing yoga and meditation since an year or two , but i dont think so it is helping me cope with anxiety and fears, or maybe that i am not able to do it properly. I have been searching for reasons and solutions, my mood swings are so high that it disturbs my day to day life. Please help me!
Justyce @justyce87
I have always had trust issues. Everyone i love has left me. How do i put down my walls and learn to love again if i might just get hurt again?
Hi Dr Rashi! How you doin? I was just wondering if I could be helped with my anxiety, OCD and restlessness that has increased for a past few months. My behavior patterns are changing from controlled to over eating and giving myself to people who donāt deserve it just to feel accepted. See even I know whatās wrong over here but I canāt seem to find a way. Hope you see this and respond.
Dont the reason of my depression, its marriage or my wrong decisions or I dont know, need to end this but how donāt know , please help
Whats a good way to let out emotions without making people worry to the point were you feel like a really bad friend and making your own mental health worse, to the point were you just want to die and not feel like absolute shit friend?
Everytime I feel frustrated or a minor inconvenience happens ā I tend to indulge in self harm (punching/ slapping/ rarely cutting). This has been going on since I was 15 & Iām 20 now. It takes my mind off the whole inconvenience in the moment, but affects me negatively in the long term. Can I get advice on how to stop?
I am in relationship with my boyfriend from past one year and we love each other. We get sexual on text and have kissed.
We want to take this relationship on next step but I am afraid what if he left me after that like most guys do out there.
We talk almost all time, I know about everything about him and his family. He makes me feel safe and loved and donāt bring it up if I say no.
But I am confused, should I take this step or not
PS I am 19 yrs old, another reason I donāt want to have a physical relationship is society
hello maāam, i want to ask you, how do i keep myself positive cause i am a very negative person as well as an overthinker. i try to look at the positive side of things but not able to.
Hi Dr. Rashi
I was a relationship with a guy for 3.5 years. i was trying to accept our breakup but then after 7 months he came back n asked me to talk to my family. i tried my best knowing that i had to sacrifice everything for getting married to him. But my family didnt agreed to even meet him as he was not financially sound as compared to us and it was an intercaste thing. When i told my parents are not agreeing he just accepted it. i requested him to call my mom n explain but he gave all reasons not to.then whenever i used to say ki lets not talk n all he gave me hopes that we will keep the frndship now i believed him. But on the other side he kept pushing me awayā¦ And now without even trying for me once he has said yes to some other girl his family chose for him. i told him to help me as frnd to get out of depression but he just refused to offwr any help. now i have just become numb i feel i have made a fool of myselfā¦ i was fighting with my family for someone who didnt even tried for me onceā¦ I m in such a dark mess. what can i do to get out of depression i have lost 13 kgs due to all thisā¦
i am considering choosing studying psychiatry after mbbsā¦ i wanted to ask your opinion on it. Is it easy? How difficult is it? is it hard to be a psychiatrist?? Am i capable of studying it?? Please help me
Hey Doc!
Iām a 17 year old teenager. My family, my house is a horrible place What I mean is that my parents keep fighting and no one does anything about it. Iāve been seeing it since I was in grade 1 & itās has affected me mentally & emotionally alot.
Then there are other things in life which have given me some painful wounds like failing in a class, Changing schools, bullying, constant comparison, pressure of choosing science stream, family issues, etc. I know everyone goes through something and the other but like Idk how to fight back. Iām just going with the flow but it has affected me a lot especially emotionally & mentally. Iām no more the same person because of my past. I really donāt know whatās wrong with me no matter how much I try I always end up with painful events happening or you can say occurring in my life. Iām tired and due to that Iām just not able to concentrate on my goals, my studies. Sometimes, I feel Iāve become a lazy person. Idk sometimes I feel I should go n seek a therapist but my father wonāt allow. Iām a total mess. My life is a total mess. I hope you can guide me, maybe even a little? Itāll help me alot.
Also, Sometimes I feel like disappearing from the world for a while Or just sleep for a while until I wanna wake up.
I just canāt face each n every feeling daily and all the other bad things happening in my life every single day.
I am sravanth and I am facing a problem please if anyone can help me please help.
I have no friends since my childhood.All the people whoever i loved i lost them and i trust people so much and i have been betrayed by so many people and i have loved one person and we did fine before but i am unable to control the thought that i am going to lose her.She is the first person in my life who chose me as i asked her
and i dont trust others anyway because i lost myself by trusting everyone and now i trust her so much and i dont trust the people who she speaks to.Everyone trying to apart me from her and not only about her i am not able to control myself when i get anger i feel so much anger and i want to shout like anything and i feel like my blood pushing me to run and shout.
If anyone understands me please help because i dont want to take any wrong decisisons
Hi @drrashiagarwal - Thanks for doing this. My question is as below:
My male friendās girlfriends and wives (most of them) always like to flirt with me whenever they get the chance with some even doing it shamelessly in front of their partners. Some have even offered sex - all of which Iāve politely turned down as I wouldnāt do that to my friends.
However, Iāve been single since this dreaded pandemic began last year and being stuck at home or rather doing everything from homeā¦ Iāve been off late fantasizing alot about just reaching for my phone and messaging any one of those women randomly and get it out of my system. Itās the sudden fantazisation about just fucking 1 or all of them and itās really driving me nuts and beginning to affect my work.
What would you advise to come back to myself before all this bullshit pandemic started? I donāt like what Iām beginning to turn into. This is an issue I cannot confide in family or friends.
Hi @drrashiagarwal. Iām a man and met a woman way back in 2002. We were good friends (almost relationship like) but that ended in 2009 as there was another guy she got involved with behind my back. Being a self respecting guy with exceptional high value to provide, I walked away from her for being very disrespectful & distasteful in the way I was treated and the overall friendship/relationship. I walked away from her which happened towards end of 2009.
I didnāt speak to her for 10 years until I accidentally reconnected with her without knowing it was her number in June 2020 and that too due to a careless work related incident from my side. But in those 10 years she would send an odd email here and there inquiring about me - almost all of which were never read by me.
When we spoke in June 2020 at lengthā¦ 2 things stood out:
1. That other guy she pickedā¦ cheated on her and left her (her words, not mine) in 2012. He then married someone immediately in 2013 and hereās the kickerā¦ killed himself a few months into that marriage.
2. Post his suicide - she went āwildā - whatever this means. But apparently seeing someone from 2013 onwards to present which in her own words is āsimilarā to the guy that left her in 2012.
The messages since June were brief and we only spoke twice or thrice over a 6 month period. With this ongoing pandemic and moving into 2021 - Iāve decided that I donāt want her or such people like her in my life. They are not good for me.
There is a very small (negligible) corner of me that may have some residual feelings of affection for her. But just the thought of a 2nd round of drama is what Iām never signing up for.
I want to completely move on. Iāve accepted the fact that I will never be talking or seeing this person and Iām A+ OK with it. How do I go about this process and come out victorious? Any guides/books/practise to completely let go of her.
How to feel valued ? I dont see point in continuing life ā¦ it seems fake and irrelevant ā¦ i cant stop myself thinking about how it ends ā¦ how to stop this ?
Also have become total introvert and its making me fall in loops ā¦ please help !
Please someone help me out in this. I always end up fighting with everyone in my house mostly with my mom whenever she discusses about my studies and my career. She doesnāt want me to go by my way to pursue my career, instead she wants me listen to her and follow her. I just donāt wanna waste my years studying about it when I can do it in 6 months or a year. Sheās telling me to do my 12th and then get a degree which i feel is wasting my time. There are courses that give certificates without any 12 pass. I wanna do that and she doesnāt want me to do that and plus my dad has left us and gone. I always end up crying to sleep cause of these and few more reasons. I donāt know what do. im in tears typing all this, i need help, i canāt take this anymore
Hi @drrashiagarwal . Right now I am going through a dilemma. Family and people are around me making a pressure on me to have a job but I am confused and also I am not able to concentrate. How to deal with such kind of a problem .
Hi, Iāve been in a relationship for 4 years now and as a person I overthink a lot and I need a lot of assurance. I know my toxic trait is to dramatise situations and say things like āyou donāt love meā āyou donāt give me anytimeā
So last night, he had gone out with friends and he decided to stay over because he had to take care of his drunk friends, but everytime I ask him to stay over at my place he says he has to get back home since he has a dog to take care of. I lost it at this and I said a lot of things I didnāt meant. Today morning he texts me and says he wants to breakup and heās done with this relationship pressure and said for now he wants to be on his own. Iām scared I canāt lose him, heās honestly my bestest friend and my everything.
How do I work on myself and how do I work on handling my emotions better?
Hi, Iāve been in a relationship for 4 years now and as a person I overthink a lot and I need a lot of assurance. I know my toxic trait is to dramatise situations and say things like āyou donāt love meā āyou donāt give me anytimeā
So last night, he had gone out with friends and he decided to stay over because he had to take care of his drunk friends, but everytime I ask him to stay over at my place he says he has to get back home since he has a dog to take care of. I lost it at this and I said a lot of things I didnāt meant. Today morning he texts me and says he wants to breakup and heās done with this relationship pressure and said for now he wants to be on his own. Iām scared I canāt lose him, heās honestly my bestest friend and my everything.
How do I work on myself and how do I work on handling my emotions better?
Hi Iām totally not able to control over my mind n having continuous fear that I maybe get drunk again and not able to overcome with feelings. Also how to face social people when they know about my past?
when ur unfortunately tied up with a very manipulative person permanently, and thereās a constant reminder and atmosphere stating that u urself are the problem. U r worthlessā¦how long can one self sooth!! And eventually the person believes that It is worthless
Riva @rivadhingra
Hey Fellow Empaths! Apologies for the delay in responses. You all will receive your answers in a weekās time. Thank you for your patience! š§”
Hello doctorā¦ I am 33 nd not yet marriedā¦ I always think of sex nd very often masturbate watching pornā¦ please guide me on how to get out of dis habitā¦ I really want to get out of thisā¦
I am jobless since 3 yearsā¦exhausted all my savings and yet m not even trying to find a job for myself, i feel like i am not good enough for any job in this worldā¦i was a cabin attendant before and now canāt find a job in that field and i feel like i only wana do that particular job and nothing elseā¦i do wana work as i dont hav money nowā¦but i dont find myself trying for itā¦whenever i visit linkdinā¦I switch to some social media app within 2 minsā¦how do i even start to push myself to work?
Bani Singh @banisinghvasir
Dear Now&Me Users,
Please accept my humble apology on behalf of Team Now&Me. Despite repeated requests, @drrashiagarwal has failed to meet the commitments that she undertook with us.
We can only request you to forgive us for this unprofessionalism. Never, in the history of Q&As conducted by us have we faced such a situation.
Moving forward, we will ensure that such an incident never happens again. I can only imagine how disappointed you must be as you eagerly awaited a response. However, I can see a lot of community members helping each other out, and that is just so heartwarming.
The good news is, we will soon be announcing another Q&A, and you are free to ask your queries there again.
In addition to that, we will be holding a MasterClass on āHow to train your mind to live a happier lifeā this Sunday. Will be doing a proper announcement soon. And from Team Now&Me, we want to give you all a special discount code for this MasterClass to express our deepest apology.
We will be sending the code to your registered e-mail ID. We hope you will accept it, and allow us to do better next time.
Thank you for your constant love & support
Youāre the kindest community š§”
