Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Hey! Seems like you are struggling to forgive someone. Forgiveness is not easy, it often happens in stages and it takes time. Acceptance may also take some time, so if you find yourself feeling angry towards the person, it is okay. Take your time to process what happened, and don’t push yourself, it may do more harm than good.

Hey! Thanks for reaching out. It could be extremely difficult to deal with a narcissist, more so when they are a family member. Firstly, it is really good that you are able to identify what is happening, this in itself is tricky and a big step. Love that you are looking out for yourself!

I understand that boundary setting and cutting ties won’t be easy in this case. However, since you know her patterns and how it is affecting you, you need to remind yourself of why you are doing this. You need to trust yourself, your judgement and intentions more than her feedback. It won’t be easy, but it is possible. More power to you :)

Hi! A major sign of a good friend is that you feel supported and comfortable around them. If being around your friends is making you feel the opposite, then you need to set some boundaries.

Firstly, reflect on why they are your friends, is it just these negative qualities or is there more to these friendships, maybe something positive which is making you stick around. If you don’t want to distance yourself from them, then start expressing how you feel, tell them how you don’t like what they say about you, ask them to engage with you respectfully.

Hi Ganga! I think by positive and negative you mean should relationships always have positive interactions. Realistically speaking, no relationship can just have positive interactions all throughout. Two complex people with their own set of traits, perspectives, and understanding of the world come together to form a relationship. Therefore, difference of opinion, and conflict are almost natural. Negative interactions in relationships can be challenging but they also allow for people to grow, and evolve. Having said that, the ratio of positive to negative experience is to be considered. If in any relationship there are more negative interactions than positive, then maybe it is a sign to dig into what is happening.

To answer your second question, the need for relationships is completely subjective. It depends on person to person. Some people find meaning in relationships, some people are content with their solitude.

Thank you for responding ☺️

Hii
Halo

Hello :) Hope you are doing well.
It seems like this past relationship left you questioning things and yourself. It is normal to think about the reasons for it not working out, however, the entire responsibility for the relationship to work is never on one person’s shoulders. And there might be other factors/ reasons for him behaving the way he did.

About transparency, it is different for different individuals. When two come together, they have to mutually respect each other’s need to share and negotiate in order for the relationship to work. An important factor here is attachment styles, some people need a lot more space than others. Understanding each other’s attachment styles, their past experiences, their needs and insecurities is crucial to come to a mutual understanding, to support each other.

Very well explained. Well, both of us share our own separate severe childhood trauma. Neither of us have healed. He thought he hurt me a lot while I used to get upset to an extent of not talking to him just to take some time rather than saying mean things…anyway…thank you so much! Great help ❤️

I am glad to know that this relationship experience helped you gain more understanding of yourself. All the best :)

Hey, firstly, it is okay to feel whatever you are feeling. Feeling insecure and jealous is okay too unless you are acting on those feelings and hurting someone.

There must have been some experience in the relationship which changed the way you feel, and brought a sense of detachment. When was it that you started to feel differently? What happened which switched things for you? After finding that out, talk to your partner, express honestly what you have been feeling, and what went wrong.

If it isn’t possible for you to talk without conflict, and it continues to bother you, then going for couples therapy is a good option to consider. Hope that helps.

Thank you so much for responding. I think it’s the issues about us not able to meet physically and it feels like a long distance. She lives 26 kms away from me and I feel we can meet atleast 4 times a week. But it’s super challenging because of her super tight college schedule. She can make time in weekdays. But I have office and can only meet on weekends. Unsure of how to proceed and work it out. Hope you can relate to it with the above message.

I am able to understand. Physical distance is challenging. However, somethings you can try is find out ways to meaningfully connect virtually, like virtual dates, or meaningful virtual activities together. Expressing gratitude for each other, and reminding yourself of the good things about the other person, so that the frustration is decreased.

Hello, I understand that your experience with guys have not been very fulfilling which is making you feel a little hopeless.
People who are independent can also need or want relationships, and it is completely natural and healthy. Relationships are also characterized by mutual sharing, and experiencing, which many people desire. It is only human to want to share your life with someone. Reflect on this emptiness that you feel, is it something that you need within you as a person, or is it a desire to share and be loved. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved, and cared for.

What if I don’t get anyone in life?

It is a fear based thought, which is normal. Remind yourself about how there are so many people like you looking for a caring partner. Focus on what you have to offer, and don’t let the fear hold you back.

Thanks Kajal for above words… will work on it…

Thank you so much. ♥️

Hey, I am sorry to hear that. It must be very hurtful for you to hear that from your mum. I am afraid I can’t be sure why she says all of that. However, I can tell you that when no one believe in you, it is difficult, but that’s when you need to believe in yourself the most. Surround yourself with supporting friends or any other person who motivates you. Reflect on why you’re doing what you’re doing, and if it brings meaning and happiness to you then it need not make sense to anyone.