One day, I want to silently disappear from these people around me... they won't remember me... I would go somewhere distant.. in a nice place- near a sea or river.. will buy a house and pets there and would remain there for life... memoryless and anonymous... I don't want anyone to remember or love me... I am not worthy of that... I just want me to live by my side happily with my animals...  and I will forget everything and live life... that day will come... it has too..

no dude.. I am perfectly alright... have no such plans

You're perfectly alright? Why, then did you say: "I don’t want anyone to remember or love me… I am not worthy of that…"

I prefer mountains over sea or river 😂

Since it seems you wish to harm yourself call an ambulance right now and get yourself to the hospital. 

Life

Is it too hard to believe someone who is screaming in pain?

3am Thoughts

The feeling when I've not done anything for myself or to anyone else is kindof killing me. The negative vibe that comes when I've wasted one whole day is something I can't explain. I have the fear what should I do tomorrow and will that be enough or will I just waste tomorrow as I've wasted today. This is really giving me a weird feeling, something like a depression.

Depression

So I don’t know how this place works but maybe I can just use it to speak my thoughts into the world and feel better to get it out of my system. 

I have had a really rough time the last 3 years. It’s been three years since I moved back home, 3 years since I left the worst most abusive toxic relationship I had ever been in. 3 years of trying to find myself of trying to convince myself at my age there’s still hope and I won’t be alone forever. That’s a really really REALLY hard thing to do? Have you ever found yourself almost 40 alone? Alone with no friends with no significant other and living back at home? Welcome to my world. 

Feeling anxious.... 
Past few years had been the worst... I took back to back wrong decisions... Wronged on a whole different level... And landed myself into crap
Academically I legit failed my own self
Had the worst breakdowns
Moreover, lost all my friends (I had 2_ 3)... Not regret that though
Lost myself... Destroyed. PERIOD. 
I bursted out in tears yesterday night... Like i felt numb 
Tears came out for about an hour and I felt nothing... 
I m not complaining.. Nope.. Just venting it all out for once... 
Looking at myself I think losers are fr... 
I thought life is about winning
It's been everything but victory to me 
AND THAT SH*T SUCKS... I can not breath somedays... And this is not an exaggeration... 
That's it!... One more day 
With hope and faith that things might mend... Coz come on that's all we can do... 
Lastly, bravo to my strong self for bearing this! To people experiencing something similar : Stop expecting.. Be neutral.. And no i would not lit up ur souls by saying that it's gonna get better, something amazing is about to come, bla bla bla... No coz it's not... A person in this situation is merely surviving..  And that's what they should strive for... SURVIVAL! Rest all is upto your conception that to what extent shall you accept.. So whatever it is good or bad accept with a brutally honest outlook and then act... Try to move.. Step by step day by day... Lastly f*ck what it was, it is what it is. 
PEACE OUT✌

Exhausted

if you enjoyed the time you wasted.. then it is not a waste of time

I JUST WANNA DISAPPEAR!!!!!!!!

some people are just not meant to live. they are too sensitive. it’s me. i am they. 

i feel suffocated, i feel alone, i feel depressed, i feel like why cant i just grow up in like 5 seconds to an adult and just fix everything i can. i just dont wanna feel this way. ive not been able to concentrate on my studies for like weeks now and idk what to do about it. just dont wanna feel alone

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts