ok umm so is it weird that I wanna feel pain even tho I have a perfectly good life? My parents are good ig… my dad does have a bit of anger issue… I’m kinda scared of him tbh… he does sometimes lose control and says (Example) “ what does that fucking mean!” I wanna get bullied or something bad to happen to me … I even cut myself to feel something but it didn’t work I was trying to cut myself everyday but I eventually forgot about it… I always push away people that are dear to me… I really don’t mean to but I just can’t help it… and sometimes I try to not to eat like I don’t breakfast and don’t eat lunch but then eat a snack and I get so mad at myself that I ate… and even if I am angry I can’t express it I start tearing up when someone shouts at me and it’s so hard for me to shout at someone… I have so many insecurities and my parents made me tell some of them I started tearing up… I told them one of mine… my weight… they said I wasn’t even that big and just had to go out run… I also told them I don’t want to go out cause it’s embarrassing … it’s like everyone’s watching me … every second, everything I do… and I’ve tried to give some clues to my friends that I fell this but I just can’t, when they start getting it’s I just say No no it’s nothing like that I’m fine… I feel like I just don’t fit in… my grades have gone down to… I’m starting to forget a lot of things … I hate myself…
Ok, calm down. Breath. I know exactly how you feel. Wanting something bad, feeling numb, being insecure. It’s awful. It’s not something you can just fix in a day but I know it gets better. I was able to more or less overcome an eating disorder, i told myself positive messages, asked my friends to make sure I eat enough and i did a bit of dancing in my room each day for exercise. As for cutting? Also been there. But you deserve so much better, so much more than cuts. I know you’re cutting because you need to feel something, you need to feel pain, or because you need to show that you are in pain, you’re crying for help. You need someone to save you. It’s hard and it hurts but sometimes you have to save yourself. And if you can’t remember you can always call a helpline. Or come here and talk to me. I’m here for you. I believe in you and your strength
