OK, so today I had a mental breakdown because there was a mishap. We changed the Wi-Fi operator and there were a lot of technical problems that came along with it and my parents can’t speak the language of the country we’re in so I have to be the one to do everything. I could have just called and simply ask them to cancel the subscription and switch it back to the new one. My parents are those types of people who yell and sue and blame people first thing. I’m someone who prefers to ask calmly, but because of this, they think that I am weak and cowardly. I keep stuttering during the phone call because there were my parents who keep yelling things at me to say while the customer service said other stuff.
I got soo confused and I started having a panic attack. This is the first time I had one in front of my parents and their response to it made things worst. They keep talking to each other saying that I’m not getting anywhere in life like this, I’m stupid and I have to get my “Mentality fixed” first. They even said that I will be a terrible lawyer and that they are astounded that I have graduated.
I told them for the first time that they were stressing me out, and they responded “we were encouraging you”.
Were they? Because at this point I even know if I’m the dumb one for thinking that way. I started physically hurting myself for the first time after two months because of them.
Am I the problem?
Does it matter what they think when you are the one who is going to live your life.
Oh, you don’t understand how I try really. I really try to take care of myself during this summer, I exercise, meditate, etc. It’s just sooo easy to fall back into old habits when stuff like this happens. I even try to control my panic attacks, I can’t always blame my parents but I can’t help but notice my mental health degrades whenever they’re around.
I always, like always felt like I’m not good enough and I know I will never be good enough for them. I just want to go, leave, somewhere they’re not. To finally live a peaceful life.
Thanks. I will get myself out of this situation one way or another
