Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Ok i don’t know how this works
Was searching for online therapist
Got to a post share by vouge and found this app because it’s affordable so why now
So here I go
Tbh the pessimistic part of my brain thinks this won’t work but I still have some of the hope let so here we go
I am juggling between my work life and studies
I thought it would be manageable
But boy I was so so wrong
I am stuck between college and job
No one at my college knows about my job
So it’s a series of lies
Which was easier to maintain during Covid
But now restrictions are off so it’s getting more difficult
Irony is i don’t like my job but I don’t want to leave it
And I am not even sure if I will continue to work in this field in future but still at present I want to do this shit ass job
However difficult it is
It’s like being in a toxic relationship
I know that i shouldn’t do it but I can’t bring myself to leave
A part of me believe that i have to go through all of this to achieve something in life or else i will fail anf disappoint everyone
Somehow like i deserve all this sir of feeling
And randomly in this scenario I also get hot by my love life crises
I was in a relationship 7yrs ago when I was a teenager and got cheated on
Still gave him a chance to be rejected by him later
I felt use but I think I did know it was going to happen
Off the topic I think I like people pleasing
I find it very difficult when I do something wrong and I have to apologise
I also find difficulty in controlling my anger
I am always anxious and restless
I don’t know if this is normal and happens with everyone or I am just making a fuss
If these are just mood swings or more than that
If i am actually sad or just doing it for attention
Everything seems distorted
I cannot function properly
I am getting distracted at office and distanced at home