Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Not sure anymore. I am a mishmosh of feelings. Right now I feel good due to alcohol. However, I am not happy nor is my life bad. Honestly, I can not complain. This feeling of melancholy has been a natural feeling for me for many years. Though I force myself at times to really think about my life, I easily avoid it by listening to music or watching tv shows/movies that make me feel good. Thinking just gives me a headache and I have had enough of those to last me a lifetime. Not sure where I am going with this but this has been my reality for a while now, may be longer.