Nature has gifted you in the form of language which makes behavior good or bad it all depends on your inner thinking.

Quotes

I was not a priority to anyone and then i became priority to myself and it's a real success and revenge to people.....

Personal Growth

I am getting suicidal thoughts 

3am Thoughts

Feeling alone sadness 

Stress

Which song you wish to be dedicated to you ?

Music

How is it that I can have so many people around me but yet feel so alone. When I try to describe and tell people how I feel they try to come up with solutions. Most of the time not very good ones. I don’t think I’m looking for something magical to come in and fix my life. I’m just looking to be heard. To be understood. 

I’m living the same day on repeat. It’s the most tiring thing. However most days I do nothing. My whole body aches. My head aches. It never stops. Nothing ever stops. The thoughts, memories, things I regret doing and things i regret not doing. 
I haven’t had “normal” sleep in years. I say normal in quotations because of how much I find the word awful in itself. I know I’m not normal. I’ve heard there’s no such thing as normal my whole life, but there’s a spectrum of normal out there. I’m not on it. 

I am stuck In my own head and I’m afraid it will always be that way. I never blame anyone for not understanding it is my problem at the end of the day. Peoples have their own lives and own minds to deal with so I could never blame a person for not wanting to hear about mine. 

Bipolar Disorder

i feel sick. like really fucking mentally sick. I don't have any idea what to do with my feelings. I really want to talk to someone personally. I'm new to this place so i don't really know how everything works and things like that. But seriously, all i really need rn is a friend, and i guess i really want that kind of thing. 

Can we chat on the thought if it gets deleted?

I just want to share something.
Do you have this feeling that you are slipping away ? Like I am there , you know - I really don't know how to say this . It happens to me that I know I am slipping away , I know I shouldn't , I know I should stay fully conscious and properly aware of my surroundings but it also feels good  and I stay in that state for long time . Sometimes I just scroll through the social media and it doesn't in control . Sometimes I just listen to songs and stay in that state . I think about random incidents sometimes it is about my life and sometimes it is not . It is addicting. Is this maladaptive day dreaming ? I don't know . 
I don't always think of anything when I feel I am slipping away .  Sometimes , it's like half of me is doing things with muscle memory without proper consciousness and half me is in a dazed state . I don't really think about anything that time . 
Sometimes I am not aware . It is like I am suddenly awake out of nowhere and I was not even sleeping . For example oneday I was riding my bicycle , I was going to market . It suddenly slips out of my mind . After sometimes I was suddenly aware of my situation , I told myself that I was riding a vehicle in a busy road and I should be aware of what I am doing . And I came back , I don't know from what but I came back to my sense .
And sometimes there is memory gap . It really scares me . It is not that large and it is not happens that frequently . Time period is 5 to 15 minutes . I am not sure , if I can call this memory gap . I will give an example . I was going to clean my backyard ( it is small ) and through the garbage in dustbin outside my home . I only remember going to the backyard and nothing after that . There is nothing , it is just blank . I realised this when I was entering my room and I was like wait a minute " Did I clean my backyard ? Did I throw the garbage ?" I went check and my backyard was clean and garbage was thrown . I realised at that moment I have no memory of that .
I am afraid of height . But I like seeing views from mountain or any high building . But when I stand near the edge to see the view , sometimes I get the urge to jump . The idea excites me . And there is also voice that tells me , it will be amazing .
Sometimes I look my hands and I want to cut them . I want to feel the blood that will be flowing through it after the cut . I want to feel the pain . Off course I did not do any of these .

Sometimes I did not know what I feel. I just want to do something . Distract myself from what I am feeling . I feel something . I can't tell what but it doesn't feel good . It is like there is an emptiness in my heart . Like something is eating me from inside . At first I tried to distract myself by calling any friends but it didn't work. Because I was not in the right mindset of talking . So stopped doing it. I feel like crying will help but I can't cry in that time. So , I ended up in scrolling through the social media . Some rare times I also read books . I really don't know what happens to me ? You have any idea ?

Sometimes I feel kind of dazed . My head slightly hurts and it feels big . And my eye sight suddenly becomes poor . I can't see the objects which is in some distance away properly , I am not able to focus my eyes on that and it becomes blurry . But again another time my eyesight is perfect . I have no problem.
Did these things happen to everyone? Or  Am I just over reacting ? Do you know what are these ?

I just don't want to slip away like this anymore , sometimes this slipping away stays for days . I have to pull myself from it and do my works like before. Sometimes my life goes without it but after sometime it starts again. I just want to heal from it , if it is something . And people around me don't have any idea about all these things. I have not told anyone about these .

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts