my grandpa died on this date, and day before month ago, i miss him so much especially today i cant still deal with it that im never gonna see him again, my grandma from fathers side died on a day before i was turning 6 maybe that time i didn’t realise the pain that people can feel for a short time, i though everyones death are gonna be easy for me, but seeing his name pinned on mosques door, door where he lived, trees etc. brakes my heat more and more, seeing his picture on deceased and why he died makes me cry a lot i don’t want to make my ma sad about it i want to stay strong but i cant my mind is obsessed with that feeling he died of sadness they can’t make me think he died from heart attack just because he had a stroke two times, “ill people are sometimes dying of sadness, they can’t feel ill as much as pain” do u know what is grandparents/parents most fear, sadness pain? losing their child. u probably wonder why i feel the “fault”… i haven’t visited him for weeks i can imagine him sitting next to window with less smile everyday until the death day came, waiting for me to run and hug him and makes joke and spend the most of my time dancing with him to go away all the pain to get him to eat whatever he wants begin on his side when grandma gets mad on him. those days are gone forever. he died in at least 1% pain not seeing me forgetting how i sound like. i wish i never did those things i’m starting to forget how does he sounds like what he smells like im trying so hard to stay strong its just too much pain for me i feel like i never cried this much in my entire life. Please forgive me my dearest grandpa, and God please he is the one that deserves heaven the best place now when he is sleeping. ur always gonna be my favourite person grappy. i love you so much.
One of the thoughts that help me get through the loss of a loved one is that time is not linear. So we live in our present but the past and future are happening at the same time. So if it can help, your grandpa is still living in one of those time frames forever. You can’t see him but he is there and so is your grandmother :)
i appreciate it thank u so much, i clearly needed ti hear… life is all a play, a fool anytime u do the incorrect thing ur eliminated on too many ways i wish people weren’t dying but as people says “winter is taking people away”
