My friends are good they always help me but sometimes they just become very rude or mean to me saying me things like I am such a badluck for them everytime i am with them they fall in trouble...or things like  am irresponsible and immature or useless...I always listen to them and  solve their problems..I know I am clumsy and dolot of mistakes but still these words hurt me so much.

I also do stand with them always... yesterday I scratched their car by mistake...and mistake wasn't even mine...I was just trying to save the puppy who was crossing the  street..and I was ready to pay but still....they know I am already going through a lot now a days but still they say harsh words to me

Friends

i am still feeling like shit. i really dont know what is going on either. my friend, is still ignoring me. i mean thats what ifeel lik. i think its somehow my fault. i did this. and i already apologized, but he keeps saying i didnt do anything, and yet he still dooesnt talk tme. what am i supposed to make of this. ik i should give them space. i am giving them space. but m brain keeps convincing methta he hates me and it is cause of i am annoying that he stopped talking to me. my overthinking is getting worse, and i hate it.

Overthinking

i feel like im slowly losing my friends and i dont know what to do to stop it from happening. 
i feel as if i dont know how to talk to them anymore.
i cant stop crying whenever i think about it

I'm really sad. None of my friends talk to me they just use me to do their work every one is avoiding me now after done with their shit. Make me feel better.I really hate them

Why do everyone change?
I am loyal , friendly and everything you would want in a friend.
Then how come others are prioritised more than me?
You say i am your best friend but then you have to lie and hide things
You say i am your best friend but you can't find the time to reply to my texts but sure you do to post stories
You say you would be there for me but you can't even console me
You don't give a fuck about me
You can't even hear me out
All you do is mock me and say it's a joke take it lightly
You shout you scream you fight you use me and come to me only when u don't have anyone to go to and ask me for advice and it is just so hard to even connect and trust you like I did once. 
Ig this is how every friendship of mine ends. Everyone says i am the nicest person to be around but it hurts when they leave and they just don't leave, they break me to the finest peices bring me down to my knees before they leave 
Guess i am never destined to find one person to even connect with call them up when i am low and share my cries and laughs
I'll just make peace with it. I am strong I'll get over this too. Not the first time.



Breakup

I don't know the feeling of having a real friend. I see all these beautiful friendship , where they have a huge amount of freedom , love, care and respect for each other.

I've questioned my friendship among the friends.. are they toxic ? Are they fake ? Or maybe they are real .. these thoughts ate me up from time to time, but I still choose to be a part of this friendship. 
Recently, unintentionally I ended up telling someone something about one of my friends. Which circulated and degraded their respect among the important people. Well, they think I did it on purpose , whereas i never thought such things would have happen. My intention was never to harm them.  Well, everyone have their on version of truth. My friend wanted me to be dead , they were that mad. Probably gonna spread rumors around about me too , they don't want me to join them in trip coming up.... That's what they said when they were angry

I don't know what's right or wrong .. but i believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe I'm paranoid maybe I'm depressed too. Only if i truly knew if they are real or not..



Relationships

semi-follow up to my last thought
i never got to see Daffodil again before going out of town. sort of upset about it. like not actually but its just that i really wanted to see them and wanted to ask them the basic friendship-forming questions like fav. color and fav. animal. they were gonna give me a palm reading, i was gonna give them a tarot reading, and it didnt happen.
i gave my cousin Daffodil’s bracelet so it could be returned to them.
is this hopeless? like not REALLY hopeless, but just like, give up on maybe having a crush on them and just try to be long-distance friends? is the pining worth it? i really do sort of miss them.

Crush

Friends?

Hustle

writing this while my mind is in a dark place
friend said something a day ago, how they waited for me to hang out but i never came
i actually did tell them that we should hang out, so i basically flaked on them. it wasnt the first time either, it has happened many times before and i just feel so bad, ive just been kinda running away from it, havent talked to them in a day and dont feel like talking to them anytime soon. just been hanging out with other friends and stuff
honestly, since i woke up, i havent had the motivation to talk to them, and i definitely dont want to talk to them tomorrow too.
i just worry that one day maybe ill mess up really bad and it could ruin our friendship, i dont even have that much friends, definitely below 8.
after writing this i felt a little better. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts