Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Mene kuch anjane me bahut badi galtiyaan kar di. Jo morally sahi nahi thi. Uske liye mene apne dearone se kai bar mafi mangi unhone ek bar me maad bhi kar diya. But me jitni baar bhi mafi mangti kuch na kuch thoughts man me aane lagte jese ye colour dekh liya , ya desires aate h jabke agar ap mafi mang rahe ho to ap dil se mange us waqt dimag me kuch nahi ana chaiye. Mene fir finally jis din mafi mangi uske baad hota h na ke badi galtiyaan ki h to ab ekdam se normal baat mat karna chup raho. Me normal ho gae mene dearones se bola chalo gate ke bahar night walk pe chalte h unhone kaha nahi abhi nahi mene ek do bola esa fir mene us chiz ki bhi mafi mangi ke mene normal behave kyu kiya. Fir me irritate ho gaye wo sun nahe rahe the kyunki koi bhi apki apology baar baar sun ke bore ho jaega. To mene irritate hoke bola ‘suno na’ uski bhi mafi mangi , aur me mobile dekhne lag gaye. Mene mafi mangne se pehle khud se ye promise kiya tha ke mujhe kisi non-edible chiz ka addiction tha wo ab me nhi khaunge na dekhna na touch. But uska daily life me use h me ignore nahi kr skti ye bhi man me chalta h mere. Mene last bar mafi mangne se pehle mobile bhi nahi chalaya jo aj ki date me kitna important h , tv nahi dekha , gane nahi sune , kisi dost se bt nahi ki meri kya halat ho gai hogi socho fir mene mafi mangi ‘suno na’ irritate hoke bol gai mafi bhi mangi or mobile dekhne lage. But meri halat bahut kharab h. me mafi bhi ni mang skti abhi kyunki agar me mafi mangungi to mujhe bahut time ho jaega. Meri body thak jaegi. Meri health bhi gir gai h. Me weak ho gai hu khana ache se nahi khati. Mujhe dr psychologist , meditation ki salah abhi mat dena me dr. Ko dikha diya psychologist se bhi session liye but har baar ek hi baat uske fee pay karni padti h. me kya karu ap meri jagah hote to kya karte mujhe bataiye i really need help. Me bahut jyada pareshan hu. Me kuch kam bhi nahi kar pate ache se.