"losing all hope was freedom"
I want to follow this but somehow cant let go of the hope. the optimism in me refuses to die even tho its so little. does anybody have any advice on how to lose hope?

Personal Growth

Two of the most foolish words you can use are Faith and Hope. 

3am Thoughts

Well just don't get why people gives you false hope. Please dude I was better without it but no u have to make it worse to survive ( no relationship crap) just a recruitment HR.

Anger Issues

listen...
the battle you are fighting right now seems like the toughest battle you ever fought..the situation is full of dillema, where nothing seems to go your way... where everything is messed up..and every word you heard regarding your obstacle just triggered  your anger because they don't know how you feel...Every day you are doing your best but not the bestest you expect from yourself..these all things together makes your energy drain...where your heart feels like broken inside and your soul crys everytime...

Maybe my words won't make any sense to you
maybe everything is just too tough for you ..but don't give up this battle of your life ... I'm not saying you will be succeed right now today but maybe Tomorrow or some other day..When the situation get sorted you will be full of relief that you didn't give up even if you had Every reason to do so...

and thats when you learnt that life is never supposed to be easy because you are the strongest main character of your story, who has to learn so many lesson to be the one he always wants to be...

take good care of yourself and stay strong 💜💙💚

- Queen 👑

Mental Wellbeing

Hey it's been a minute, I don't even need to ask how you're doing I already know you're doing great I want to say congrats but I hate it. I want you to cry, I want you to hurt, I want you to feel guilty, I want you to be alone, is it bad of me to say that? I hate you but I still love you and I hate myself even more for not being able to say it, if I saw you now ill probably tear up and apologize instead. Sometimes I think you feel the same, I think you truly cared and loved me, sometimes I just think you hated me. You made me feel so small, wich is unlike me. You got the worst of me, what I've turned out to be its all your fault now my heart is filled with resentment, envy and hatred. How are you going to make up for the damage you've done? Is it my fault for never standing up for myself, for letting you treat me howaver you wanted, for falling for you and never telling you? I never ever would have thought we'd end up this way. Now you're out there smiling with your friends, shoving your relationship with your boyfriend all over everyone's faces. Wow, It's so crazy how the tables can turn against you overnight. Don't you at least feel a little bit bad? How can you look at me like that? I pretend I'm fine cuz I still got pride but it's so easy to see through me, everyone knows how lonely I am, how can you look at like I'm just anyone else? I always thought I was a step ahead but reality hit me in the head, turns out I'm not much and everyone wants you, not me. No matter what I do they'll always be by your side, the audacity people have and all bc of convenience. I'm so fucking stupid, how could I ever feel anything for you? And how could I allow you to treat me like shit just bc of it? And I know this is my fault as well bc I did distance myself from you without saying anything, maybe after all its all my fault my fears and insecurities made me lose everyone, ever since I can't stand myself being near anyone. But still, you didn't seem to be bothered, you never asked me what was going on, you did well without me. When that was you, all those many times that was you, I always came looking after you, why didn't you do the same? I was waiting for you to come to me. I guess I'm the only fool who goes around begging people that want to leave to stay, I should've seen it sooner. It had been a long time since you stopped caring. Now what do I do? Who do I tell?

Other

You don't want me bs baat khatam.
It took me 2 years and I never felt so detached as I felt today. I did not have the urge to stalk you today. Idk what I did to deserve all of this, that you did not take a small effort just to talk to me. I know you didn't have any obligation to talk to me and chose not to. I'm ready to accept that you never liked me and I was an id iot to think that you liked me. You only liked V and now you're with A. Ugh! I've been so delusional and so hopeful these past years, idk what for. You never tried to reach me once after we got disconnected or after I told you how I felt for you. I'm releasing you. But I never liked someone more and I never will. I do miss you sometimes but that's okay ig. Bye bye. I hope my energy won't bother you , if it ever did by chance☺️

I try every day. I wake up with a positive note. But how can I live when I know I don't deserve to? When you know your parents hate you because you are their fat black good-for-nothing daughter? When your best friend backstabbed you? When you know that your death will being peace to everyone? When the guy you are talking to doesn't know that you look ugly in real life! 

Depression

I wonder where are you now? it’s been more than a decade and you probably don’t even remember me. Although I never said a word you never left my side, you were the only one to offer me a hand while everyone else turned their back on me. I hated that place, all the kids were cruel and used to make me cry but you changed them and you changed me. The moment you defended me everyone changed their attitude immediately. I didn’t know you had that kind of power since you didn’t have many friends either, I didn’t know you had that kind of courage since you always used to be pretty quiet. You used to ask me why i wouldn’t talk to you, you used to ask me if i didn’t like you, if you had done something to upset me, I never answered your questions, I never said “hi” back, you probably never heard my voice at all. Do you wanna know what got me so quiet? the truth is i was mesmerized by the darkness of your eyes.  All i could do was stare at them and wonder what i had done to deserve you, everyone taught me i didn’t deserve to be loved but you showed me love even tho i never reciprocated it. You showed me love just because you simply cared and without expecting anything back. I couldn’t talk to you and i was afraid you’d leave me eventually, that you’d get tired of waiting just like everyone else, that you’d get bored… But you never seemed to mind, you enjoyed my company and offered me company, we never had a conversation yet we used to hang out everyday like best friends. You were my first love. Sometimes I wonder what’s your life been like? You could be a completely different person, you could live in another country, you could even not be here at all, i’d never know and that makes me sad sometimes, only sometimes. 

Memories

Old memories flash back whenever I think of u or talk to u... And it sucks how things are not same anymore ;)🙃


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