Long Rant, TLDR at the end.
I have a friend whom I care about, and we are super close. When I say, I care a lot, I mean to say A LOT LOT. The thing is she’s super thin (no body-shaming, this is for context) and she is prone to get sick easily. A couple of months ago, she got super sick (super high fever) and we went through it together. I brought her medicines and food and we sat together while she ate whatever food I had brought for her. I spent the majority of my day making sure she’ll get fine super quick. Sat with her on video calls just to ensure she won’t feel anxious since I cannot physically go to her room (I am M just in case anyone wondering idk).
Now after that week, she got fine as usual and as soon as that happened she re-started smoking cigs. I was super furious seeing this considering just how weak she was and in general is and still decides to smoke and do whatnot. I ranted to her about how this would essentially just make her life and health worse in the long run while telling her first-hand experiences of my family (faced 2 family member deaths at a young age, dad and grandpa both from smoking and drinking). At the moment she promised that would not do anything. I took her word and time went on.
I randomly kept asking out of curiosity if she smoked or did anything and she was super adamant about ensuring to me that she didn’t do anything while claiming that her health is so much better and that she breathes better etc. I obviously agreed, having no reason not to. About 1.5 months pass and we were chilling while waiting to get coffee, and she was scrolling a chat on her phone. There’s a good enough height difference between us so I can easily see the contents of her phone while she’s standing next to me. In that chat, while she was scrolling I caught a glimpse of a photo that she had sent last night to the other person. It was her smoking and holding a cigarette and the image had a related caption.
My thought process was destroyed at that moment. For a good 5 minutes, I was trembling with a blank mind not knowing what to do. She didn’t get a glimpse of me seeing it so she had no change in behaviour and things continued. We got our coffee and started talking random stuff. I made up a story and ultimately asked her if she smoked recently and to my depressing surprise, she adamantly said “No”, while simultaneously promising that she would obviously not break our promise and yada yada yada. I had no thought process so I was not able to grasp much of anything so I came back to my room. Sat still for 15 minutes and started crying because I never expected her to break my trust in such a way. I cried so much that I ended up puking hard. Safe to say my whole day was fucked.
I kept quiet about the situation because we had our exams going on along with random college-related shit that was making everyone tense, and I by no means wanted to make her anxious or feel down at that point in time. The thing is I really adore her, and I wanted things to remain normal between us. But ultimately a couple of weeks after the semester ended and we were in our hometowns I confronted her via text. To my surprise all she said was something along the lines of “Okay”, “You are like my only friend so I wanted to keep it like that” and “You can stop talking if you want”. No, I don’t want to stop talking but I’m super dead from inside now thanks to you. When I later told her I expected a better apology, all she said was “Sorry for lying”.
I still talk to her on a daily basis. I pretend as if I have moved on and I often write sarcastic texts regarding the situation just to make her comfortable after the situation.
I’m sure she’s smoking back at her place but obviously, she would not tell. I want to stay in the benefit of the doubt and I try my best to not think or bring it up but it is just eating me up at this point.
TLDR: Close friend, got super sick, recovered and restarted smoking, I asked not to and she promised, kept saying that she didn’t, saw an image on her phone which had her holding a smoking cig, inquired her if she smoked, kept pressing that she did not and lied on my face, trust broken, mind lost, (I) spent the whole day crying while she had no clue that I knew about it, fast forward I confront on text, she’s super casual about it, now I can’t forget about the whole thing.
Caring for someone can never ensure she will care for themselves. And if u wanna ensure this it will look like controlling her.
Since, she lost her integrity and it’s hard to mend it.
I knew her for about 6 months at that point. She used to smoke in front of me. I never said anything knowing I had no right. I went ahead with my opinionated decision because I saw what she went through that 1 week. Imagine someone being so weak that they need help to walk, all while constantly thinking about what is going to happen to them and simultaneously crying. How can you not go ahead and stop your closest friend from ruining themselves?
If she just lied about smoking , please don’t take it personally , as a smoker i am telling you it hard to quit , there is lot of guilt maybe she only lied to not feel guilty , please don’t push this much on smoking , i would suggest don’t take it personally either
I totally respect your opinion and this is what another person told me as well. But I expected some basic form of honesty. Anyhow I get what you are trying to say. Thanks a lot!