Like giving it all up. 
When there is a way out, why not just end it

There is a door on airplanes but I wouldn't jump out of it. This quote usually helps me: "If you are not happy change the situation and if you can't change the situation then change your mindset towards it", read  that twice.. If you don't like the person you are then kill that person, HYPOTHETICALLY! Reinvent yourself, surrond yourself with things/people that make you happy. Try new things like foods, exercises, hobbies, etc. 🤍 I hope you cheer up buttercup. 

Failure

I want to stay, but there is no home. 

3am Thoughts

I don't want to spend this much time with myself.

Life

I feel so damn empty and sad, this might be one of the loneliest times in my life… everyone’s getting jobs, internships, boyfriends/girlfriends, going out with other friends and then there’s just me staring. It’s like I don’t even exist, I don’t feel anything. Everyday I feel myself sinking more and more into this black hole and I really just want to stop feeling this hole inside, I just want to stop everything. I don’t see the point in anything in my life except for my dogs but I’m studying abroad so I can’t even see them, I think I’m only alive right now because of them, they’re my whole life. The 20’s curse is real man, I hate my life. Nothing exciting happens to me, I’m stuck in the same routine and I don’t feel good anymore. I hate my life and I hate myself, I’m not even attractive and I could go missing a few days and no one would even notice. I just exist but I feel nothing. I’m tired.

Depression

Here's 7 things you can do for yourself this week, one for each day of the week 💯

🧘‍♀️Practice Mindfulness: Take a few minutes each day to practice mindfulness or meditation. This can help reduce stress, increase self-awareness, and promote a sense of calm and focus.

🚴‍♂️Exercise: Incorporate some form of physical activity into your routine, whether it's going for a walk, hitting the gym, doing yoga, or engaging in a sport you enjoy. Exercise has numerous physical and mental health benefits.

📚Read or Learn Something New: Set aside time to read a book or engage in online courses or tutorials. Continuously learning can stimulate your mind and open up new opportunities for personal growth.

💑Reach out to Friends or Family: Make an effort to connect with friends or family members you haven't spoken to in a while. Social connections are essential for a sense of belonging and support.

🥰Practice Gratitude: Each day, take a moment to reflect on the things you are grateful for. Keeping a gratitude journal can help shift your focus toward the positive aspects of your life.

☕Unplug and Relax: Dedicate some time to unplug from technology and engage in activities that help you relax and recharge. This could be spending time in nature, enjoying a hobby, or simply taking a break from screens.

✅Set Goals for the Week: Define achievable goals for the week that align with your long-term aspirations. Having clear objectives can provide a sense of purpose and motivation to stay focused. 


Love

When God gives you a new beginning, it starts with an ending. Be thankful for closed doors. They often guide us to the right one.

I'm getting tired of doing this day in day out. I really don't see any reason for me to live anymore. But i dont even have the courage to end it for myself. I lost my mom and now everything just seems pointless. I couldn't do anything for her. I'm here in a new city with all strangers around me and I've never felt more suffocated. I'm in my room alone all day all night. My anxiety doesn't let me get out of here. My family back home keep saying go out with your friends. I don't know how to tell them I'm all alone here. I just want this to end now. I want to not feel like this anymore.

***Trigger Warning***
Please stop stating sadness as depression and nervousness as anxiety. By no means I am saying your suffering is less than others but being sad is a normal mood swing and depression is a mental illness. When you're sad, you're able to make yourself feel better in a few minutes or maybe in a few hours or even in a day. But, the same is not true with depression, at times you lose the hope to feel better. You just don't want to exist anymore. Hell lot of times you feel suicidal. The reason why I am saying this is because people do tend to believe that you are just sad when you are actually depressed. They think what's so serious about it, they say even they get depressed but their willpower is stronger. That's the whole point maybe you never understood what depression is. And I truly wish no one goes through it.Even though, everyone says that learn to accept, don't get hard on yourself. Take your time, start therapy and indulge yourself in different activities and you'll overcome depression eventually.But the truth is, it sucks. Everyday you feel guilty of not doing anything. There are days you dont get up from your bed. You just stay in the dark, talking to no one. In that phase I have felt two emotions the most and they are sadness and anger. For no reason, I have cried for hours in my room. For the smallest stuff, I have yelled at my parents. If you are the one, who feels emotions strongly, then it is highly possible you'll end up feeling guilty more than ever.It's been nearly 3 years now, I have been dealing with depression. I get to point where I feel nothing. Even if I have an exam next day, I feel nothing. I don't even try to study, even if I do, I end up closing my books. And then punish myself for giving endless excuses. The point is I don't understand myself at times, I really want to. But I become the most confused soul during this phase. Someone with no hopes, no believes, no energy, no interest. Probably, someone who is numb to everything around and within her.You know what everything seems to heighten, mostly negative stuff. You attract negative things strongly more than ever, you tend to overthink, you start giving a lot more attention to what everyone thinks of you, you start feeling you are alone when you are actually not. There is something I realised yesterday, so it was the last day to complete my International Economics assignment, and I hadn't even started. So I asked a few friends of mine about it, and you know what, each of them was ready to help me, even when I didn't ask them to. But, it didn't make a difference because I wasn't ready to help myself. And I ended up not doing it. One more thing I have accepted lately is that this version of me is also me. For a long time, I have consoled myself saying that this is not me, I can't be this person. I was talking to my teacher lately, and she said why aren't you accepting that this is also you. Each one of us has a lot of parts of ourselves within us. Sometimes the parts we don't want to control us, do control us. And we hate it. But sooner we'll realise that this part of us is not someone else but ourselves, you are one step ahead in this journey already. At this moment, I feel guilty that I have ruined all my routines and everything. Here I am doing nothing for almost 3 months now. But, a part of me is there, which sometimes pop up to make me believe that it will all be better.Therefore, I accept that this phase sucks, but eventually I'll learn, learn a lot and will emerge as a better individual than ever before. We are here to learn and hope is the only thing that keeps us going in the moment of despair, even when we ourselves are hopeless.

Mental Health

Today, I sat outside.
I started balling my eyes out.
I'm too weak to push myself to try anymore.
I'm exhausted.
Mentally and physically. 
I looked at my pool.
I thought about it.
I thought about what it would feel like to jump in.
To hold my breath.
To drown.


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts