lately, i feel like Iβm watching everything iβve always feared come true. At first, i thought that perhaps it was all just in my head and things were just fine but now itβs slowly turning into a reality, and me being the person i am idk if i can take that. I know things will be alright someday tho and that things will pass and eventually be fine so donβt worry about me, itβs just that today is not that day therefore Iβm not going through a good time. Iβve been lowkey hating myself quite a lot and I hate that bc there was a time when I was the most obnoxiously confident and egotistical person someone could ever be and idk how i got to this i just know I shouldβve never had. I know i have no reason to hate myself this much, i know i shouldnβt feel like this, i really know but somehow i do. I say I want to live yet proceed to k*** myself slowly, i often donβt realize how much Iβm allowing things and other people to hurt me, I wish i could stop being so easily affected by literally everything. My dream once was to be someone others could be proud of, to make it far and be successful, but no one is proud of the person i am, iβm more rather a disappointment, my mom even lies about me to her friends and the rest of our family, she hides me even more than I hide myself. Iβll never be someone to brag about and I feel sorry for that even though i know it isnβt my responsibility to be like that but i just donβt want to give others a hard time for simply being me, for not being enough, for not being what theyβd prefer me to be like.
Are you sure that it will all pass by? It looks like a serious situation. Do you wanna talk?
I donβt know, I always tell myself that it will pass and it will be okay itβs been years and itβs not okay yet but i still hope someday it will be. I might not be doing well at all but at least i know it wonβt kill me. I donβt know, and thanks for caring and offering me to talk about it I really appreciate it, maybe i should but itβs not something i can do, I really canβt get myself to talk about it in depth so no, thanks, i canβt do it.
Itβs okay βΊοΈ As long as you are alright.