Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

last night I was talking with my ex bf (yes we broke up but we are still friends, in fact veryyy good friends) and we were planning to meet soon. but then he asked me that do i feel the same love for him the way he is feeling for me, i wanted to be honest so i said yes i still love him. so after that he asked me “would you like to be mine again?” and i was in tears cause i was so so happy and glad that he asked me this, but i didnt knew that i was mentally stable for a relationship rn. so he said this relation of “best friend” hurts and he couldnt act like a bestfriend anymore cause he’s in love with me, and trust me i also love him a lot.
so he asked me to make it clear what i want, do i want a relationship? if not then he would go to abroad for his further studies. and i asked him to go to abroad. now we arent friends anymore and we decided that we wont talk with each other, but if either one of us needs help then we would help each other.
this relation we had is shattered now. he loved me so much that my rejection of relationship made him so depressed and he cant even sleep at night, he need to take sleeping pills to help him sleep. i sometimes think that im responsible for his depression. i feel too guilty.
i have never met anyone like him in my entire life. he’s such a gentleman and he’s so caring. I love him so much that i cant even describe and now i wont be able to meet or talk to him again. I dont feel so good, i feel like i lost someone who was too close to me. and i think i hurt him too much. im responsible for all this mess i made. i feel lonely now.