Just OK

Hello,

I am a 50+ year old male, married for 20+ years, and most of the time always feeling lonely and depressed.

Because I have been treated indifferently so far by my mother - who can be called more a step-mother than a mother. I never had seen/heard her talking anything positive or even neutral - only negative, negative and negative words towards almost all, including me, except towards one or two persons chosen by her. [My (late) father was 10 years older than my mother; both of them were school teachers, hence I got good education.]

She lost her mother during early days, and her father re-married, and hence my mother had no actual mother but a step mother. Recently I am beginning to understand that that’s the reason for her behavior, but how can I leave it behind and begin to live “my” life at least from now on?

I am feeling afraid to stand up on my own. I find it difficult to come out from my past and start living in the present.

Although the internet is abound with free advice, I think I am in need of a personal counsellor.

How do I cheer myself up and start a living? Do you have a recommendation for an online group in order to participate in a healthy way? I have plenty of free time on my hand to spare.

Since I am fond of self-help books, any suggestions for books on self-healing - particularly related to my situation - would be appreciated too.