Just feeling unhappy, disinterested in life and feeling like scared and anxious sometimes. Mom shouting and scolding and making comparison. Having suicidal thoughts and having mixed feelings and emotions bottling up inside and just wanna scream so loudly. I don't know these days I'm hating myself. Where to begin? Feels like why I'm like this? Am I failure? I feel like what is wrong with me? So many questions. Feels like everyday is just sad and anxious. Totally lost. Which career is good and bad for me? 

It's tough bro... But just hold on!! And keep the hope.. 

Anxiety

Everything seems so dull and dark, it's like the world around me is slowly collapsing. Nothing seems enjoyable and i am losing interest in things that made me felt happy. Friends, games, family, outgoings it's all slowly drifting away from me. My heart is filled with pain, chest pumps with anxiety, eyes filled with emptiness,   brain with delusioned thoughts and countless emotions. I don't understand why do I have these all things so suddenly. Man a week i was so happy, but now i feel like I am losing myself in the spiral of overthinking. At just this present moment I feel strong surge of anxiety, all of a sudden i it felt like someone took away my oxygen for a min. I can't work, all the time i just lay on bed, just thinking when I would be same just like before. I wish all the times just to go back home, to my dog choco, to my cousins, just enjoy with them and do all the masti. Live, love, laugh.

Sometimes, you think that you want to disappear, but all you want, is to be found again. 

3am Thoughts

I'm having rapid mood swings. My closest friends stoped talking with me because of this and it has caused me to go into depression. I'm getting better now but since I'm living in college hostel seeing them happy without me and not being bothered about my absence makes me feel unwanted and useless. 

Friends

I am scared due to bad breakup in past..
I am still there mentally emotionally.. 
Need help..
Nothing working out.. 
It seems like I am progressing towards end..
I don't wanna do it. I don't want to do it.. I don't want to do it.. God
Please send someone.. I can't handle this anymore.. I am tired now.. 

Depression

I'm feeling lost. I am both sad and happy. I want to do lots of amazing things but I feel extremely lost. I feel weak and lonely, I want to vent out but something also stops me, no one I know would understand. My parents would never understand. I am almost 27 and I've never truly felt myself, never understood who I am or what I can be. I've never opened to anyone about anything and everything that I have kept inside is killing me. I want to vent but I can't, word never come out, only "I am fine". which is a lie. I am never really fine. I try to be positive as much as I can but that's only on the outside because I never want anyone to feel what I feel, I try not to be an instrument of suffering for others but I am to myself.

Lately I’ve been really sad and it’s been like around 8-9 months of feeling like this . I think it’s a phase , and since I was going through some  really major changes in my life I tried to avoid my emotions and keep myself busy with work and studies . I feel displeasure in all the things I once loved . I have tried a million times to start fresh and I did pull myself up, but I failed everytime . I have completely failed myself and I’ve deattatched myself from most people in my life and no matter how selfish this sounds but I feel better this way, away from everyone , alone and this makes me feel that I’m the worst friend anyone can have . Above all, I feel like the worst daughter because with all the academic stress on my head and finals on the way, I try to ignore my parents because I don’t wanna say anything harsh to them. I don’t wanna be like this, I wanna be calm . I binge eat and I’m unable to focus on a healthy lifestyle, I have gained weight and it’s not evident if one looks at me but I can feel it , because I just feel all this gabhrahat at times and I feel pain in my body every morning I wake up , somedays I get this really bad pain in my lower abdomen that I cannot even stand . I think of visiting the doctor but then I just keep procrastinating 
It . I used to be so good at managing things , and now I cannot even make a plan and follow it . I’ll be productive one day and next day I’ll be on the bed the entire day . I’m unable to concentrate and focus on anything. One day I was scrolling through YouTube and the educational channel I follow was live at that time, I clicked on it and they were talking about the symtoms of depression , I related to each one of them but I could not accept it instead I tried to check up on a friend of mine who always just looks really low and sad . 
Today I gave a self assessment test, it said that I have high symptoms but I don’t believe it , how is that even possible? I’ve always been a happy and a cheerful  person and I am probably just going through phase , this cannot be true but idk . I just don’t know, I just wanna be  better .

Exhausted

Fucking holidays. There's no year I had a good time and everytime christmas eve, christmas and new year approaches I can't help but be depressed beforehand of these events. Always something bad happens. In my family no one is christian, we do it just for "pass quality time as a family and create memories" yet I wish we didn't... wish it was something it was left behind once I was not a child anymore and none of this was enthusiasming like it used to. It still hurts having to celebrate in a day where so much pain resurfaces. I don't like parties already and thinking of being there having to pretend to have fun with my family is unbearable.
"Creating new joyful memories for these days"... I just don't want to. Egoistically I want to avoid this, I feel obligated to give love I don't have and receive it just to fade away the next day. Everything about this day still hurts!! I don't want to think about these bad memories yet they only appear during these times and it sucks my energy... everything about this drains me whole

Life

***trigger warning***
hi, im Elena, im 13, im from romania and im starting feeling bad again. i’ve been like this in the past, but never got really over it. the first time i realised i was depressed i was 8. but didnt know the fact that i was depressed i was just feeling sad and low all the time. and it has been like this all this time. i started smoking last year, i’ve been addicted to morphyne (don’t know exactly how’s written), i’ve started again self harming my self for a while now. last year i went to a doctor here and he told my that my depression and my anxiety are form my hypothyroidism and i should take this pills and i have been taking them over the past year and they are no good. i dont know what to do, i cant talk to anybody, cuz everybody, my parents, my sister, my brother, my friends, my cousins, my classmates, literally everyone expects me to be the one that s happy all the time, cuz im the one who makes them happy when they are sad and just.. when i try to talk to anybody over here i get reject by the fact that im ok, cuz im always happy and i ll get better on my own. but now im on this site cuz im disperate and sucidial. AND I REALLY NEED HELP. PLEASE SOMEBODY.. IF U HAVE A LITTLE COMPASION IN U... HELP ME. I DONT WANT TO DO SOMETHING STUPID! 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts