juat be friends who is listening supporting helping understanding... n be der in reach..

Yeah that's possible but you have either disconnected or taking break don't know about it 😅😅

Friends

Every decision we make is circumstances driven..

Life

Well, I don't know who needs to read this, but same as a lot of thoughts I read here, I also always hated all social situations, group evaluations, and always had a hard time fitting around, understanding social rules and organizing my goals, witch made my professional life so much harder than it was for my peers. I used to have panic attacks before social situations and avoid them at all costs. Used to beat myself up for being and underachiever and call myself lazy. Always felt like I don't belong anywhere and don't fit anywhere and blamed myself so much for this. 
Well.
Turns out that I'm autistic. 
And ADHDer. 
That's why it's so hard. It's not my fault, it's not laziness and it's not that I'm worse than anyone, I'm just built differently. 
So if you feel the same as me, maybe you should seek for mental health services and search for further investigation on these or other neurological condition instead of beating yourself up for being different. Maybe it would give you the light that it has given me. Take care of yourselves. 

3am Thoughts

अगर मगर काश में हू आज मैं अपनी ही तलाश में हू।।

I have an ex-boyfriend. He is also my first boyfriend. Even though we broke up years ago, he texts me almost every year, usually when he breaks up with his girlfriend. We hadn't seen each other in the last two years, we started talking again two months ago and I thought he had changed a bit but I just found out he had a girlfriend a month ago. Am I his comfort pillow? What should I do ?

Relationships

Um..so...I'm going through a longer depressive episode than usual. Have kinda lost my appetite and lost weight to soon too. I'm just feeling to overwhelmed , sad and empty. Also, there was this person I'd relied to much on i feel, and now that we don't even have a normal conversation feels awful knowing that we spoke almost every other day, spent almost the whole day together for months. I overshared. Evidently. I just miss them a lot, and since with them I've been very vocal abt my thoughts and feelings, I've told them abt what's happening too. But the way the behave or text or talk has changed somewhat from some time now. I voiced this abrupt change and the confusion it brought me too, thrice by now. I overexpress as much as i overlove, so after the third time it happened i feel like I'm being too overbearing. So i thought of giving it a few days or weeks maybe. I know i should, but somehow Im getting this intuition that I'm gonna lose somehing, something I really don't wanna. It's hurting me to stay and it's hurting me to leave. I think I liked the person i bece when I was with them. For once i had someone who'd care for me. I really don't wanna lose this , but then again nothing works one way. There has to be something from the other end too. I just don't know. I wanted to keep this one bond for life. In my despairs over the years i had clung onto their hope to keep living. Now that the anchor that made me stay is slowly fading I'm losing my mind. It feels weird and days feel awful very weirdly. And this is my best friend I'm talking abt. Should I give one last call just for random ? Or should I give the break, the time to stay apart even if things might dissolve and disappear soon then ? 

I don't know if I'm forcing myself to think too much or they're just naturally coming to my dumb brain, lol for now but sometimes shit gates intens and i feel like trapped

i was 4 when my mom enrolled me to my first kathak class. i was always told that these classes are only because she wanted me to do something more studies but she also made it very clear from the very start that this cannot be my career option. I always agreed to it , and maybe i still do because I've always been good with my studies and  I have my dreams with that too. As a kid it was always a deal with my mom that i study and get good grades and i can perform on stage as much as i wanted to. At the start i was only doing it because i was made to do it but eventually i fell in love with the artform. Now I don't have time for it. I crave to perform. And every time i see people who have so much time to practice ,are going for competitions and taking it up as a career I'm just so jealous, i cry. Right now my only wish is i get to do kathak like before, i get to perform. 

hello guys its my first time using this app. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts