Ive had depression my whole life and it just seemed to come and go. However for the past two years its been getting worse. Just pops out of no where and stays with me for days and it wont go away no matter what I try. I have attempted suicide 4 times about 7 years ago but couldnt go through with it cause I was actually afraid I would go to Hell if I killed myself lol. I also self harmed from 13-15 Im 22 now. I started cutting myself again three days ago and I cant stop. I just hate myself so much and inflicting pain feels great. I actually havent felt this bad before. These past couple of weeks I have been at my all time low. I just dont feel anymore. And I dont care about anything I just want to die honestly. I dont have the guts to kill myself but whenever I drive to work I just pray to God that I crash into something and die. Or that I dont wake up the next day. Todays my birthday and I hate my birthday. I always tell my mom she should have had an abortion lol cause I am just a waste of space. I have no purpose what so ever. Everyones life wouldve been way better if I wasnt here honestly. I just wish my family could see that so they could let me go. Instead of keeping me here . Im just so sad and dont know what to do.