I’ve been in a 4 year relationship with my boyfriend (ex now)…in 2016 …now I’m 18 but it’s been really hard for me to forget or move on … hoping I’ll feel better after sharing here…
When I was 14 I met him he was 18…I have no idea what his intentions were at the time…I fell in love with him really hard…this was my first relationship…we started talking through social media…my parents didn’t allow me to have boyfriends or friends that were boys…so we couldn’t meet…one day my parents went to another state…so he suggested that he came to my house and I was home alone…that was the first time we met…at first everything was going okay…then he suddenly started getting really close…I was really uncomfortable but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings…he tried to kiss me…I tried to get away but he blocked me …he still kissed…I told him I wasn’t ready …coz this was my first time…he didn’t really care and then tried to put his hand under my shirt I stopped him and he let go…I didn’t say anything after that and then he left…he texted me as if everything was normal…I thought I could trust him and hoped he wouldn’t do it again…I was wrong …everytime I met him he tried to kiss me…and touching me even when I tried to push him away…but I still couldn’t leave him bcoz it hurt me alot…he knew that …he cheated on me and then his friend told me…I believed the lies he told me bcoz I didn’t want to believe that he would actually cheat on me…I used to be really dumb…ik that… looking back now…I stayed with him…I tried to let him kiss me or touch or whatever…but I couldn’t…he would get angry and say that I didn’t really love him…he would flirt with so many girls of my age only…now that I think about it …y was he only talking to 14 years olds …the girl he cheated on me with was my age too…
Next year he broke up with me…he didn’t even bother to tell me he told his cousin to telme …I fucking broke…the last time we had met b4 the break up he tried to put his hand down there then he realised I wouldn’t allow him so he stopped…I was hurt and so lost…I went crazy…how could he …
When I turned 15 he wished me happy birthday…I was getting better…and then he had to msg me …I went back to him …I forgave him …and again he hurts me…the first day we meet after the break up…I fall asleep next to him…woke up with his hand in my pants …I push him away but he holds me then and then tried to…after all that…he says he’s sorry…I forgive him again…I didn’t wanna lose him again…but it continued everytime we met …I forgave him everytime…he started controlling me…told me what to do…what to wear…who to talk to…who to stop talking to…took control of all my social media…and told me he would leave me if I don’t listen…so many times I had to beg him to stay when I didn’t obey…
On our 2nd year anniversary…he pushed it too far and mad me jerk him off and tried to have sex with me…I didn’t want to…he had already planned all of it and even had condoms ready …he didn’t even give me a choice…I told him enough but he didn’t stop …then my sister banged my door so he stopped …she unknowingly saved me sort of…but I was dumb enough not to leave then and there…next time he did it…he didn’t even care …I pushed …I told him to wait…I would try to get away but no use…I just wanted to spend time with him…but he only wanted that…this continued for till feb 2020…when I tried to explain to him what I was feeling he just ignored …I told him that the only reason I had sex with him was because of him and not because I wanted and that I wanted him to stop now bcoz I couldn’t take it anymore he was like “so?” So??..that was all…he didn’t even stop…and it was too hard for me to leave him …I started cutting …and when he found out he left me standing there…he was mean to me…when he came back he held my hands so hard it hurt…after that he became slightly violent …and started hitting me not a lot…just a few slaps here and there…I saw how other ppl were treated in their relationships…I tried to tell him how I wanted to be treated …and when I told him I would leave…he told me he would change…he would be good for one day and then start again…he would force me to send nudes and when I didn’t the next time we met he would forcefully take my pics and videos and say that if I had just sent then this wouldn’t be necessary…I left him telling that I wanted a break bcoz of my exams …and then I realised I was much more at peace without him…
To this day he still begs me to go back… sometimes when I feel weak …I wanna go back bcoz of the love I thought we had…but I realised only I really loved him …he was using me…it was his intentions from the beginning…who I had fallen in love with wasn’t there anymore that was just pretend…his true colors were revealed later… ironically he was the only person I felt safe with…or comfort …but scared too…now I’m in another state…he found out where I am…I still get scared that he may show up
I want you to understand you have alot of other people to talk and share your emotions so dont feel that he is the only one we all are here to listen to you and we totally understand sometimes we are not that smart to understand that person is genuine or not but i think you are very brave that you stood up for yourselves and even if you didn’t its okay we are not sometimes prepared for things but i want you to understand whenever if you will make yourself so available for anyone that person will misuse it in one or another way and dont worry he is not going to dare to come to u but understand your worth and forgive yourself this can be hard but we can try together i am here for you so don’t worry my dear things will get easy we will make it. And i mean it
Thankuuu
Girl, this is messed up on so many levels. Whatever happened is not cool. Its a serious offense.
I know it must have been really hard for you, but this is not right.
There are serious laws out there to prevent what happened with you. There’s a reason why there is a legal age you need to cross to have sex. It’s because at a young age you don’t really understand the concept of “consent”. you’re prone to be manipulated. Hence the laws to protect girls like you from animals. You seriously need to talk to someone about this. I understand that we live in a stigmatized society and that speaking to your parents is not really a thing to consider. But, please don’t let this slide. This kinda stuff leaves you scared fot life. People get full blown PTSD from this. So, please. Talk to someone about this. Someone sensible. And see that the person doesn’t go out to do this to ANYONE ELSE. more power to you :)
Ik…but it’s hard
First of all sorry from the men community, I know this sorry won’t makeup for what you have suffered with, but I couldn’t think of anything else to begin with.
I would like to appreciate you for the strength you have shown by sharing such a horrific incident. It would have caused you so much of stress at such a young age, it will take years to recover from it, I will be honest be
Thanku
😞
Tbh with you your idea of love is not love it was ur attachment because you live someone for who they are n not their looks or lifestyle or popularity love,love is the rarest emotion ever n ppl mistake attachment to love because love happens with efforts not popularity so next time you think you love him or anyone think ABT what is really between you? Are those butterflies or your guts stopping u and also if u r scared of him showing up seek help if not parents then your friends who can actually protect u n be so mentally brave that his presence will not bother u at all n learn to raise that hand n slap him so that he knows u respect yourself enough
