I’ve been feeling like trash lately like I’m not good enough like I’m a burden in someone’s life like everyone hates me…yet I hate myself too…
This stupid pain won’t go away…sometimes I dream of being happy, pain-free, I imagine myself having a perfect family that loves me…and always reminds me that they are proud of me…that they will always be there for me. But I can’t tell my family about the heavy pain I feel every day, they’d think I’m just making things up for attention. My chest feels heavy again…it stopped feeling this way a couple of days ago but now it’s back.
If I had the opportunity to go back in time I would take it, I would beg my parents to move me to a different school so I wouldn’t be friends with the people who I never imaged would hurt me, but I’m just foolish.
Self cutting isn’t doing much anymore I’m so full of this life, everytime I look at my scares i feel guilt towards myself. I’ve been thinking a lot about suicide, the only reason why I’m here is that I am scared of doing it…but if I wasn’t scared I’d be gone…I know that you might think I wouldn’t solve anything by doing that and I would be passing the pain to my family. But I’ve been in so much pain…it’s hard to handle all alone, I’ve never been selfish towards them so, I might be selfish for once and get it over with…but I’m weak…I hope someday I’ll heal.
You will heal. I’m healing after similar experiences. It’s taken years but I’m able to feel joy most days now, genuine happiness, laughter in my eyes… I know you’ll get there too. In the mean time, don’t give up. It seems like a good idea but it’s not. Trust me on that OK? It’ll be alright
