Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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Anonymous

It’s so hard to think of surviving amidst of torturous environment. If it’s a stranger nothing would have affected me. But, it’s my dad who is abusing me verbally here. I have lost energy in persuading with him. Discouragement, body shaming, hate speech are the things I’m blessed from him. I have several times begged him not to torture me with words. But nothing seems to work. I can’t even run out cos I’m a girl and financially not stable. I don’t even have other relatives to seek help. Living in this toxic environment sucks. I even tried going away from him for studies but due to covid I ended up being with him again. Now every day my blood is boiling, my anxiety is shooting up. I hate to even be around him. But out of no options, quarantine has pushed me to stay with him 24*7. I wish I could die but I unfortunately don’t have any solutions. I couldn’t also survive anymore

1 reply

Renata @renataismyname

I can’t even imagine what you must be going through. I’m really sorry you have to live under said circumstances. I’d say there are two things to keep in mind. (1) It will pass. I promise it will. You’ll grow up and be able to move out, and find a place where you are always received with kindness. (2) You are able to create coping mechanisms that help you through those moments of verbal abuse. I have a friend who was sexually abused, and she tells me she remembers singing “Make You Feel My Love” the entire time while it happened. It is something that helped her feel more in touch with herself and less exposed to the circumstances. You might find a poem, a song, a quote, even a number (like memorizing 20 digits of PI), that you can think of, which ay help you remember that you are strong, you are smart, you are self-sufficient, kind and beautiful.
Don’t let the patriarchy (literally) get you down, for you are stronger than that.

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