It's getting lonely day by day . Everything is getting bottled up inside.  

Try writing down your thoughts in a journal. I know it is tough but after doing it, it feels better

Depression

When i die, i wish ppl to see me a girl who survived despite all the struggles❤ she had a life which wasn't easy, but she made it well. 

3am Thoughts

Have you ever run off your fears and not moved forward just because people will see all the flaws and you won't be impressive anymore ? 

I have fallen in love with my boyfriend's bestfriend. I was having a very stressed relationship from past few months and I didn't even understand when I stopped feeling for my boyfriend but started having feelings for his best friend but I know he can never even think of dating me but I really really like him

Love

So i kinda just wanted to get this out there because i just want to get some opinions on it

So over a year ago i met this girl online (for the sake of this im going to call her charlie) on roblox.  we got each others contacts and we soon became really close.  we were ibfs.  we'd have so many little jokes together and we would tease each other about everything.  we had nicknames for each other and we'd always flirt together as a joke. we'd always go to each other with our problems and there was nothing that we couldnt talk to each other about.  but as i was getting good friends with her all of my other friends around me started letting go until i only had her left. i dont have friends from school or anything like that, im not too good with friends and charlie made me feel really loved and like she cared so i never really minded.  She was by FAR obviously the most important person in my life, in a way i felt like i was only living for her, i cared about her more than anything in the world.  She had loads of friends and i mean LOADS.  but i felt like she always put me first.  

But like with any friendships there are going to be problems we didnt fight or argue much.  Me and her were both pretty chill. But id always felt like whenever she'd like achieve something. i'd hype her up so much, but when id done something she wouldnt do the same for me.  But tbh i didn't really care about that.  We had jokes where she'd get to be the best but i wouldnt. i guess i was ok with that too.  she deserved the hype and the confidence.  I cant even tell you how close we were even though we were ibfs i knew her so well, we would talk everyday some nights id stay up with her until like 4am and we'd have the best times

Kinda mid jan this year (2021) me and Charlie became even closer (if that was even possible).  I ended up with a crush on her and i didnt know what to do.  Me and her started playing minecraft together and she made me cute little things and she'd say some of the sweetest things to me.  She would ss our cuter convos and put them on her close friends story on insta. I thought she might like me back but i wasnt really sure.  I just pushed all the feelings down because i didnt want to ruin anything.  We were so close and id never been so close to anybody before in my life and i didnt want to mess it up by liking her.  She made me feel so happy.  She meant the absolute world to me.

A few days ago she started being off with me.  She was making me feel really bad about myself.  I think she might of been joking but it did hurt.  We then had a small argument (we didnt usually have arguments so it did make me quite upset) and i decided i wasnt going to talk to her until she messaged me first because i always apologise even though its never really my fault i just feel bad.  Later on that day i joined our minecraft world and she'd written some stuff about me on the walls of the house she had made for me.  Not nice stuff it was all secrets id trusted her with and her saying what she really thought of them, it was stuff like oh your such a baby for crying over that.  your such a sad person u need to grow up.  I was honestly shocked and i was like so upset i didnt really get why she would say that and it hurt me like ALOT it felt like she was attacking me.

 I obviously messaged her about it saying how it was all wrong.  I wrote her a massive paragraph literally APOLAGISING about it even though its not really something that could of been my fault i just got 'k' as a reply.  I messaged her saying sorry about literally getting upset about and she still put 'k'.  I didnt know how to fix it.  i asked her what was up or what id done and she said nothing.  she told me to go away i didnt want to, it just pissed her off more and she said she didnt want to be friends no more, not out of rage just in general.  It made me so upset because she meant the world to me and we'd known each other for so long.  and in the year and a half we'd been besties for she'd never said anything like that to me before.  and like i had nobody else to ask or talk to about it.

After that i wrote her more paragraphs the next day.  I literally just said everything i was thinking.  It was mostly about that fact that she didnt care about me because she could just leave me so easily.  She might of told me the truth but im not sure.  she said she liked me but the only way to get over me was to hate me and that was why she was doing this.  I obviously told her i liked her back so she didnt have to.  after talking to her all that day as friends i asked her if she wanted to be together.  she said idk.  I decided not to go back to that and asked her if we could just be like friends again.  She said maybe.  That friendship only lasted less than a day.

she was being really off again and was purposely saying things to try and hurt me.  we obvi had another argument and she said shes changed and her opinions about me have also changed.  She said she dosent like me and she dosent want to be friends.  She said she dosent really care about me anymore.  I didnt know how to react.  Tbh i just started crying again.  

I agreed to her goodbye and said something along the lines of 'i hope ur life gets better and i hope ur happy again one day'  she said there was no point in saying that bc she dosent care about me so shes not going to remember.  That one hurt.  Like alot bc i think it was what i wanted her to say to me. But it was just a reminder that she didnt care about me.  She then said how she was going to kill herself the night before and i was trying to comfort her but she just told me to go away and she brought back that idc were not friends and so idc what u think.  Like im worried about her but she dosent really want my help. 

Im honestly so upset about it.  We were so close and we have so many memories and its just like it feels like my fault and im not sure if i should just give up on her and try and move on or if i should keep trying.  It was such a good friendship.  The best one ive ever had in my whole life.  I really wanted us to last as friends but idk, what do you guys think bc i could really do with some help on this bc its not like i have any friends to ask about it :/


Uhmm I'm in relationship it's been kinda long... I've met him... Next month I'm going to UK idk when I'll come back... I want ask him about long distance but idk if we can maintain that relationship... Everything is so messed in my head rn...

Boyfriend

I have something to say to you 
And of course this isn't going straight to your face 
I mean how can i still look you in the eye-- you've done so much shit to me i can even bear to look at your face
You were in my friend group and i thought of you as a friend 
Even though you tried to taser me i still thought of you as a friend 
I came out to you, you were supposed to be my friend 
I told you about my dad and how much it hurt me as a person and still you do this 
Dragging me into that bathroom, pushing me on my knees, on the floor, and against a wall 
and then kissed me after all you did while smiling at me crying 
You're my best friend's boyfriend 
After i told her about the time you forced my hand down your pants she told me "I should beat your ass right now"
I forgave her 
I wanted to tell her about what you did but when i brought you up she was so...happy 
She had a sparkle in her eyes and her face lit up 
I thought to myself "I can't tell her what he did. she'd be heartbroken. she'll think i'm a liar" 
Do you know what it's like to look into the eyes of your best friend and hesitate 
Because you know "even though i'm drowning in a pit of despair she's never gonna believe me or worse, she'll think i did set it up to make him look like a cheater. she's loves him too much" 
So I bit my tongue 
You probably never knows what it feels like 
How much it hurt me 
I go home to the same thing and i come home and it's you threatening to do it to me again
Do you know how terrifying that is 
you probably don't know that either 
GOD, I would never ever say this to your face because the thought of you terrifies me 
The feeling of you still hurts me 
I hope that you burn 
I hope that you burn in the deepest parts of hell 
I hope that burn in a vat of acid 
I hope that you get hurled off the largest building and land on spikes 
I hope that you get just as much pain as I felt 
So yeah, fuck you Keon  

Harassment

He broke my heart like someone did to his! 

i need it. i know i'm going to hurt them but i can't stay here anymore. life is not for me. i'm sorry  mom, sis. oh my god

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts