Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

It’s been four months since I broke up with my
ex boyfriend, before him I had two long lasting
relationships (4 and 2years) and I met him by
chance, at first everything felt perfect as if
every piece of us was matching and I was
scared, I didn’t want to get too attached but
then I fell Inlove with him, he was older than
me and he had the life I wanted to, he used to
live alone, had a good job and we have started
to create a life together mostly because he
was pushing me talking about living together,
creating a family and many things. I’ve always
looked for someone who wants to settle down,
that’s why he was perfect, we matched each
other, he was looking to a family and … I felt
happy but this didn’t last long. He started to
mentally abuse me, we’ve descriverei to have
different ideas about life and he started to tell
me that I was wrong, I was needy, I was a
terrible person and nobody could love me just
because I was jealous of him taking home his
nine years ex and maybe sleeping together or
hiding while talking with him or just because
we only could see each other during weekends

(I used to live 2hr far away from him I live in
Italy and he lives in Switzerland) and I wanted
to stay close or just cuddle in the sofa and he
kept telling me that I was needy and taking all
his space that he needed space and so I kept
asking him ‘how can I give you space’ and the
answer was I don’t know. I kept asking him ti
talk but he didn’t he avoided everything and
only spoke about space, I need space and time
for me as if it was my fault for everything.
I lost 4kg and I couldn’t stop crying because I
loved him but we couldn’t understand each
other anymore, he created a wall hiding
behind ‘it’s not your fault but it’s me that l’m
stressed and tired but to issues of life’. I’ve
started therapy, I felt completely lost and
awful, I felt as if I really didn’t serve love and I
was a bad person as if what he kept saying
was true. My therapist made me realise who
abusive this relationship was and one night I
was crying myself out because we had to see
each either the next day but I didn’t have the
strength to fight another time for no reason
so I called him telling him to stay where I was

that I love him more then myself but I couldn’t
go on like this, that if we want to try to be
together we should find a compromise
because I’m the only one hurt and in the end
he dated that he cared about me but he
couldn’t but mostly wouldn’t change for me, as
if I’ve asked him to change (compromises and
self space were essential for him like he could
do whatever he wanted to but I can’t say a
word about it) so I’ve told him that it was over.
He’ e asked to to pack his things back and
send him and he did the same to my stuff and
I didn’t hear him anymore. Not a word.
All of this just because now I’m happy, I feel
better and my life is going on, my life at
university is cool, I’m going out with my
friends and doing a lot of activities and I feel
better but I’m still madly Inlove with him. I got
my heart broken for the first time even if our
relationship was short I’ve lived with him, we
spent time together, I’ve designed his new
house (I’m an architect) and after we broke up
I did a lot of things that he said I couldn’t
because I wasn’t ‘enough’ but still I want to tell
him that I did them and happily hug him and
kissing him and staying together just chatting
and watching anime as we did when we first
met. I can’t hate him, I can’t forget what we
dated and I can’t go on. I keep thinking about
how much he made me feel bad but I can’t
forget the beautiful times that we spent
together walking along the lake and going
home, cooking for him and see his smile or
making jokes that only us can understand. I
miss him and I don’t know what to do.
Sorry for this long message, do you have any
suggestions on how I can get over him?