Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

It was my first time,
Wearing a saree,
I was seeking,
Your approval or
Validation.
Don’t know exactly.

All evening through,
I keep staring at you.
There were times,
When both our eyes met,
We were searching,
Me searching you,
You searching whom
I don’t want to know about.

Everyday,
I yearn for eyes to contact,
Everynight,
I cry for all the moments we missed,

I wish you smiled at me,
Just once,
Fake or forced,
Compelled or compromised,
Just once, for me.
At me, for all the efforts.

It broke my heart,
When you laughed at me,
With your female friend.
When I walked past you.

Why would you do that?
It gave a final kick,
To my every night broken heart,
And it falls apart,
Every piece of my heart unceremoniously,
on my diaphragm.
But why do I feel like,
It lodged in my lungs instead,
And, I couldn’t breathe.

Why would you do that?
Wouldn’t you know,
I was already hurting,
By loving you.
I was already made fun of,
For still being stuck on you,
Even after three years.

We crossed paths,
many a times tonight,
I sure lost count on my fingers,
Your head never,
once turned to me,
Your eyes never,
tried to hold an eye contact.
I hear from my bestfriend,
That you were staring at her.
But that doesn’t helps me move on either.

I watch you watching your crush,
I watch you watching me watch you,
But there is little you do about it.
Atleast tell me not to stare at you.
Call me out.
End this unbearable suffering of
An unrequited love.
Break my heart in one go,
Stop butchering it,
Time and again.

I am hurting,
I am clutching my heart,
Swallowing my pride,
Drinking back my tears,
Still giving you my heart,
In my eyes,
For you to walk,
All over it.

My each day,
Begins with you,
Running in my mind
And ends with you
stomping over my heart.

If only my eyes had a voice,
Everyone would’ve gone deaf,
With my confession of love.

I wanted to entwine
my little finger, with you,
When I walked past you.
I prayed for our shoulders,
To brush, atleast a little,
When you walked past me.
I wanted to hold
The hem of your shirt,
Stop you,
Just to make you,
Look at me,
Look as in not like the usual,
Where your fleeting eyes,
Brush past mine,
Just as one of the hers,
Who were swooming over you,
But Look at me,
For who I was.

I might seem stooping low,
But I was ready risking it all,
to raise in your eyes,
Yet I fall,
Lower than ever,
In your list,
Little do you know,
I try to associate,
With your friends,
Just because, for you.

I am not your type,
You were making it clear
I learned it,
Following your eyes.
I want to tell you,
You weren’t my type at all,
I knew, yet I chose you,
Damnation take my soul,
My heart wouldn’t stop,
Skipping a heart beat
At your sight.

Every night, I cry to sleep,
Wishing for one small reason,
To hate you,
Not to hate you,
that’s far fetched,
To unlove you,
To lose, atleast one cent,
Of the interest I had in you.

You are unhealthy to me,
And still I crave for your presence,
I look forward to tomorrow,
Just to look at you,
One time again.

I can’t strip for you,
I already stripped,
My self respect for you,
My self esteem for you,
I can’t go down than this,
That’s not me. 
Why would you do this,
To me.

I wish you had stopped me,
I wish I hadn’t met your eyes,
I wish I hadn’t showed up tonight,
That would’ve hurted less,
Than you laughing on me.
But how could I?
I had to see you,
To stop you running in my brain,
But you ruined my heart.

Thanks, for watching me watching you.
For letting me watch you,
I was stupid to think,
You like me
The way I like you,
You can never stand close,
To my feelings.

Again, I don’t know,
If it’s okay, to ask for your help,
To help me to help you,
To let you free,
From my mind and my eyes,
For your help to help me,
To save my dying heart.

Frozen by brain,
Dead by heart,
Let me ask you one last thing,
Let me to let you go.