Music

I feel empty, I need a hug very badly

Depression

Why is there a need for us to exist. What's the point.

Delusion

(Long one please read) Hey everyone. I’m new to this platform and English is first language so please excuse any grammar mistakes. 8-9 years ago I moved out my grandma’s and grandpa’s home with my mum.(that was a quite traumatic experience) my mom got married again. In my last home I went to music school where I learnt how to play piano and as soon as I realised that here is also a music school was happy to enroll. Then i met this boy and we became friends. But after a year i dropped put of this school because my teacher was making fun of me,my looks and my lack of performance skills. Remember I was 10 at this point. And then after i dropped i stopped talking to this guy and this carried of for almost 9 years. But last summer i was at the shop and i saw him and his friend. He said hi to me and I didn’t say hi back because i was in shock. I’m not exaggerating it. And then not to long ago he transferred into one of my classes. Me him and one of my closest friends were in a project that our teacher assigned us. And we talked (about the project obviously) but that made me very happy. He said “am i doing this right?” And I replied “no not really but that’s ok” and i saw him smiled. He didn’t even looked at me once, maybe he doesn’t want to see my ugly face (facts!) and this year we had a really BIG festival at our school and I remember few moments. 1. I was going towards the stage and he was running to the dressing room and he didn’t controlled his speed and almost crashed into me but thank God he pushed his hand of the wall and we didn’t crash. 2. When it was our turn to to the performance he stood next to me as i said to my friends “I’m really nervous” and i could see in the corner of my eye that we was looking at me i knew he wanted to say something but then he asked my classmate “is it yours turn?” To sum it all i liked this boy for almost a decade and next year I’m finishing school and I don’t know what I’m going to do when he’s not around. Am I in an one sided love? Please someone help me I’m actually going insane.

One Sided Love

What is wrong with people these days ? Blaming government for every single thing... Today so many countries are coming out to help us, is because the relationship the PM maintained with them, if it was some other government they would not have "helped" but shown it as a "charity" they did for a poor nation like India !! 
I know this government isn't the best and is equally corrupted, but appreciate them when they truly doing something good.

Society

This is going to be a long story. Pls hv some patience while reading it n help me out to understand things better.

Is it wrong to talk to strangers when u yourself doesn't know where you r standing with the person u like. Its abt a guy I met on insta n  He first made me believe that he's a good guy like don't lie, like having the qualities a gentleman has.. n i started liking him as a person not romantically He tested me whether I'll b with him for a long run or not or idk his intentions behind this.. I asked him abt his age n he said 36 n im 26 so I said I cannot b with a person with this much age difference cuz I'm not independent to take this decision n he said all love philosophical things like age doesn't matter..n said I'm talking to a different person now who once said she like him ( i know it doesn't matter but it's not the case with everyone) but I give it a thought n said ohk.. Wait until I settle in my career then we'll go for it. And then he said nhi ab mujhe friends rehna h aap kabhi b palat jaoge..  i said my things clearly it's your decision now what's wrong I have done here I don't understand! And after all this nuisance he said he's 30.. I couldn't believe what he did n said he was just joking. 
As my liking got stronger for him I still went forward. So we got romantically involved n he asked if we could meet I said yeah sure.. n started planning things but he asked if I could get physical I said no liking holding hands, hugs r normal but nothing more than that. He got angry over it n said I cannot come regularly to India ( lives in France currently) N if we love each other what's the problem in getting physical.. Then said I don't want to have any relation with u we r just friends now n i got pissed over it even after making him understand no. of times. As I'm a person like who won't get physical until I'm 200% sure of the person. I unfriended him n removed too from insta but after days he said sorry for his behavior n i was ohk atleast person is accepting his mistake. Kuch din baad Mujhe nhi pta uss din mene kya soch kr request bheji..shayd yhi ki atleast we would b good friends. Toh Baat nhi krte the but one day he said something as if we still r involved romantically n I said I don't work on a concept of friends with benefits for which he again apologised. I said don't confuse me.. Rho toh ek side rho na. He said okay I'm sorry. 
After a day again we started talking n I told him if I would come to you that would b permanently not just for time pass n talks went for hrs. As he lives in France we had a huge problem of time difference so I had to talk to him at night n that day we talked on phone n it was 4 am in India n it were general talks n I told him abt my boundaries which he respected n agreed n then he started opening up to me abt his life his friends. And that day I was the happiest.. 
But the next day we couldn't talk I was waiting for him.. N said to inform me atleast n said he's busy with some work will talk later araam se. So i went to sleep.. Ohk this continued the next day too n i got angry n went to sleep. Then next day we talked n he said sorry n made me believe that don't worry I'm not talking to others.. Apko khudh se dur nhi kr rha Which i believed cuz insta last seen se pta chl jata tha he's not active. Apki jagah me b hota toh aisa hi sochta par please understand that life is not easy in France. We had a great talk then also he told me abt how things work in France. Now i was sure that the person has feelings for me too but.. 
Here comes the turning point abt my story... 
But then I told abt him abt a unknown guy I accepted request of aur yeh tab ki baat h jab hum dono ke beech kuch tha nhi serious toh isilye mene uss unknown ki request accept kr li but he had some mutuals (N that's how insta works) And the guy msgd me n asked if he could do friendship with me.. Mene usko bola bas vhi तक ussey jada nhi..mene usko btaya tha that I'm stuck in a situation when I cannot call myself single or committed. He agreed ohk dost hi shi..And I told my guy abt this incident  cuz I wanted to have transparency between us n gain his trust but all went in vain n he made a huge issue out of it ki request kyu accept ki kyu baat ki.. He said mujhe lga me hi special hu but yha toh kisi aur ko time dia ja rha.. Kisi b unknown ko add krke baat krte ho toh me koi special nhi hua.. Jab me 2 din nhi rha toh yeh ho rha.. Aage b time nhi milega mujhe toh aap kisi aur se baat krne lag jaoge.. I admitted my mistake n i deeply regret this.. said sorry for this numerous times n asked him not to end things abruptly I want you.I had not betrayed you, had no ill intentions to hurt you. And you were not an option for me! I blocked the other person immediately n deleted his chat I gave him my id password to check if I'm doing something wrong. But he denied doing so n said ab mujhe kuch lena dena nhi aapse apki life jo kariye hum friends hi rahenge ab issey jada kuch b nhi kabhi b.. He asked for a chat.. which I have dlted without giving the thought that it could save me i thought a 3rd person shouldn't b matter between us. (I know I'm the biggest fool in the entire world here) 
Please tell me guys if I made a huge mistake by talking to the other guy jiske liye mere dil me aisa kuch b nhi tha ki usey as a option rkhu me.  I like talking to people and it's not like ki har kisi ke liye feelings ajaye..friend aur boyfriend me boundaries kaisi honi chahiye that I also know but he didn't believed me. I love my person very much n im regretting now ki mene sab khatam kr dia. 
From the starting I was the only one confessing my feelings for him and was happy that I finally found a guy whom I could have future with!
And we had a ugly fight he started pointing out on my character. He talked to me rudely n said I'm not worthy of respect n trust! And this whole this thing making me feel guilt that I broke a person trust jabki koi intention nhi tha mera.  I told him that even after I have to say this infinite times I would still say the say thing that I had no ill intentions to hurt you or betray you and you were not an option for me. 
After all this.. He left me with self doubt, n endless questions abt myself! I don't know I should I handle this! Where's my fault? 

(sorry n thank you for sparing this much time) 

Long Distance Relationship

For those feeling down, depress, alone, broken hearted, hopeless, having low self esteem, having self pity because of certain circumstances, you're not alone. Fight! Even if you're in the point of breaking down, just cry it all out! Accept the pain, don't make it numb, feel it all then cry your heart out! Regardless if you're a female or a male, just cry! Cry out all your frustrations, your regrets, and everything that makes you feel emotionally heavy and exhausted. Accept that this world is unfair to begin with, and that you're not the only one suffering. Don't keep the pain, release it by crying. But keep in mind that everything will be fine. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe the rejection just saves us from more pain in the future and can lead us to the right one. Yes we do have regrets but we can't live in the past. Accept that we can't turn back the time and change everything. But we can learn from these regrets. There's still hope. If you're so down that you lost all your motivation to live, you lost your purpose, your will to keep on going, I advice you to think of all the things that makes you fortunate. If someone left you, rejected you, morally degraded you or whatever the case may be, think that there are a lot of fishes in the sea. He/she is not the last person on earth and it's their loss not yours. You still have your family, your friends, yourself. Love yourself! Most importantly, God is there. He loves you and he is always there for you. He'll never leave you alone. Yes, you'll never be alone. Because someone out there loves you. 

Relationships

How could you hate and love the same people at the same time?? 
We hate each other soo much, but we love each other as welll, idk... 

Love

Feeling so happy bcz I made new friends while doing Garba 😎🤘

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts