Imagining fictional stories, placing myself in center and comes back to reality with a side character.

Okay..just ensure that you keep the distinction alive

Uff, how did you do such a tough task? Just how?😂

Friends

6 Years < 6 Months

So my friend of 6 years fucked me up over a guy.

I had a good 6 months relationship with X, but during this time my mental health got real bad with career stress. I realized that I need some time alone to figure life out. ( Also, this was'nt a serious relationship, it was more of a lets have a good thing while it lasts and we both agreed on it). So I broke up with him and cut my self off from the world. However, during the relationship, my best friend and his best friend got really close. I used to warn my bff about him that don't get attached he isn't a good guy but couldn't say much at that time. 

So after my breakup they were still close and I was in a bit of a weird phase so i wasnt talking much. They got closer and closer and i saw the change in my best friend's attitude. Being rude about everything, not caring about anyone, that wasnt her, she was the nicest girl i had ever met but now she was a completely different person. I called her out on this but she was in denial. I kept even more distance.

I was very upset about the situation so i said that its okay its your life and ill support you in every way possible. But tables turned for me. Th very next day she met up with  This guy, My X and another friend of mine. All 4 of them enjoying how easily i have been kicked out of their life. She didnt even had the audacity to tell me about it the same day ( when we were constantly talking). She told me the next day and i was in pieces. I gave her the final Ultimatum, chose him or me.. She said she wont choose and no one had the right to make her do that.
I understood and blocked her.

After a while she texted on my mom's phone to talk to me and instead of being sorry she was just saying that what has happened to you. I mean i dont even know,. I felt insulted, and when i asked her (angrily) why she met my ex she said because he is her FRIEND. i couldnt take it anymore. I gave her a few reality checks and blocked her again.

I was always afraid that a guy will break my heart so i never came into a serious relationship but i didnt know that friendship breakups are equally devastating


How to tell them(my bf) it's rude without fighting... Like he said something about my parents but I just wanna make him understand that I find it rude... 
He just says sorry and repeat that shit again..

Anger Issues

No one wants to even try in believing in goodness anymore. It's like people are so scared that they don't want to get hurt by trusting someone. But someone like me who wants to help get pushed away too. I don't blame them for that but my point is, If you want things to change and people should try to actually talk, it should start from you and also how can you expect others should lower their walls when u can do it yourself? At this point I don't even understand why are we even Normalising "Stay toxic and don't trust anybody" and instead not been talking about how we shouldn't betray others trust. Why are we not trying to prevent something and instead normalising stuff like this. I don't even get this anymore🤷🏻‍♂️

3am Thoughts

Ok so when i was working yesterday this really cute girl came in so i wrote my number and drew a rainbow on a piece of paper and put it under her food. Yes this was encouraged by a co-worker cuz i never would have done this 3 weeks ago. So she texted me late in the night saying ' Hey i got your note 🌈" i was so giddy and so suprised by this but it was fun and making new friends is kinda cool....:))

I hate my parents. They had an arranged marriage when my mother was 18 and was about to complete high-school and my father was 35. They never had a very cordial relationship. 

As I grew older I started noticing these things. Initially it used to make me upset but slowly I started accepting the things the way it is thanks to our great Indian Society which is not build on love but co-dependency. 

They had my brother after 1 year of marriage. He was unwanted but my paternal grandmother forbade aborting him as he was the first child. He didn't care about these stuffs because he was never at home. His life mostly revolved around school, activities and playing cricket like any other 90s kids and at 18 he moved out for college and since then he always stayed in some hostel. 

I, on the other hand, was born a girl (pretty much unplanned after 9 years but they decided to go with it) was not allowed outside so I observed home life much more closely than my brother. But for few years I observed how dysfunctional and physically and mentally abusive my family was. I curse my parents for bringing me into this world even after knowing that they didn't share an affectionate bond. Isn't 9 years long enough to decide that your marriage is already fragile? They already knew that they had to drag this marriage for the society. 

I hate them for making me a part of their misery. This isn't like my mother couldn't have gotten an abortion because she was perfectly fine to get one and she discovered she was pregnant with me after 1 month. It's like their motto was 'we have misery in our lives and we will bring two more to make their lives a living hell as well to lessen our miseries'. 

I'm already emotionally exhausted and everyday seems like a burden. I cannot study, eat, sleep like normal people do. I'm just tired and want to end everything. Only one more year and I will be off to college but that will only happen if I get good grades. How am I supposed to study when basic things surviving seems like a burden to me. 

One more message for newly married couples if you are not happy in your marriage or you are still not sure whether you are happy or not please don't bring children in this world. It's selfish to drag other people into your hellish life without their fault.

Suicidal Ideation

I've been through a traumatic experience 
Which I cannot talk to anyone about because I feel like nobody would understand they will only blame me.

So i dont have enough money to spend on foods i like and i sometimes sneak some food out of supermarkets i know its wrong im not defending myself but it is the foods that is not so expensive and i really want to eat, so the other day when i went to the mall i sneaked some noodles and i was caught for shoplifting 
3 men came asked me to come with them my heart was racing and i regret my choices the sametime my mother was waiting for me outside the mall and i cannot let her see my situation. 
So these men took me to their security office and they started threatening me and took my bag and searched everything and called me a thief and telling me that they will charge this to police and i was so scared and overwhelmed i just wanted to go and they asked me to pay money for 200 rs noodles they asked me to pay 5000 i didnt have that much money and i begged them to let me go and i will not repeat it ,they bullied me and emotionally blackmailed me to giving them 3000 rs the only money i had and then only they let me go.

This was so traumatic i couldn't sleep whenever im not engaged or busy i start to think about this and i became overwhelmed and i cannot tell this to anyone because im the guilty party
I shouldn't have done that

Please please dont judge me😭🥺
All i want is someone to say that its okay 
Its over, that they understand ,anyone could have been in this position 
Please just understand .

Emotional Abuse

I know I shouldn't feel like this
When his friend is in real mess n he is helping his friend!!
I m trying to be supportive in front of him
He did said sorry to me for not spending time with me  
But this feeling inside me🙁
I try my best to be patient 😫
But this feeling of hurt
Auuhhh!!!


Relationships

People used to ask me what do you think of love? I used to say that..love is beautiful or love is an illusion but the truth is love is PAIN. I will never fucking dare to love anyone ever again. As soon as someone from the opposite gender will try to approach me I will run in the opposite direction and never look back. One sided love is extremely painful..but what's more painful is when two people love eachother but cannot be together. Anyway the thing is love is pain. Sheer pain. I will never dare to fall in love ever again. This is my goodbye.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts