Iām tired.
Tired of seeking love outside. Because my past relationships and trauma keep haunting me and taunting me that Iām not worth of it.
First relationship where the guy chased me for over 1.5 years and broke up within 4 months. Told me it was my fault, i didnāt know how to make it work. If it was my fault, if i didnāt know how to work a relationship u could have taught me. U could have put efforts to make it work but instead of doing that u chose to leave me stranded questioning myself, questioning my worth.
I couldnāt get into another relationship for over 2 years after this happened.
Recently i tried believing in love again. This guy made me realise that i can also love again. He brought out a new version of me which i didnāt even know exist in me. He made me more open, bold and expressive. But broke my heart without even being in a relationship. He was neither a friend, nor a boyfriend but when he left i felt empty inside. Itās not that he wanted to leave intentionally. He wanted to cheat on his girlfriend (soon to be wife) with me which i thought was worse than being in a relationship so i pushed him away.
My question is why is it always me? Why always i find such people?
Itās not that Iām incomplete without love. Iām happy by myself and i know that I donāt need anyone else to make me happy. Iām just saying that if u cannot give me what i deserve then please stay out of my life. Stop entering my life and messing with my happiness and peace. Iām better off without you so just stay away from me.
When will i get what i want and what i deserve ?
Itās not you itās themā¦ They think youāre easy and try to get their way but when they realise how strong you are they think they canāt do as they wish, hence, they leave.You just need to become a better judge of character which I know can be really hard in these two face times but donāt feel down. All these hardships tell how strong you are on your own and one day for sure youāll meet someone who admires you and this strength of yoursā¦Keep your head up šā¦
