I’m tired. I’m in pain. Yet, nobody cares. I have been struggling with my problems silently for most of my life and it seems that I cannot ask for anyone’s help because I am scared that they would think differently of me. I already see myself as a weak and dumb person and I do think others have the same judgement of me as well. That is why I live in a life where I need to fake everything down to my favorite color, the way I dress, what I feel, and so on. With all those lies I created, I am overwhelmed of the responsibility of continuing those lies as long as I can please the others and their expectations of me. I am already tired but I feel like I don’t deserve to feel tired. I have been respectful and obedient all my life but I still sense sadness behind every fake smile I have. I am already confused about what I really want in my life. I want to get out of these restrictions that me and others made. But I really don’t have the courage because I am afraid. What if I follow what I think is what I want and at the end it doesn’t work out? Then, everyone would think little of me more. What should I do? How can I let myself be confident when I’m all chained up with these insecurities and fears? If only I could be free.
You have to tell them
And live on your choices
It’s not that easy though… my parents and literally everyone around are strict and they really judge you. If I tell them what I feel I’m scared that they will look down on me and say that I am weak. Like in school, my parents chose the course that they want me to take and I have no final say on this because they were the one who finances me. Although its not my first choice, I have to somehow force myself to accept their decision and now that I am already in my 3rd year, its hard to tell them that I am already unhappy with this course.
It’s final year?
Carnation90 @carnation2002
I still have 2 years in college but I think it’s too late to change my course considering the amount of money and effort my parents put in just to ensure I have all the things I need for school.
