I'm so tired of understanding my mom. I don't want to push myself to do things that I don't want to but I have to so that my mom won't be mad at me. As a daughter I don't want my mom to disappoint in me :(

I already did I even cry in front of her, but she won't listen

hey try to conface with her. aur ha pyar se. 

Failure

My mom threatened me with a huge knife when I was a kid and hit me everyday. I was so scared of her that I couldn't even talk about my tuition teacher who m***sted when I was 13. When I brought this up today, she says I'm over dramatic and make a scene out of everything. I was wearing inappropriate clothes was her conclusion. I was wearing a salwar suit with a ridiculously thick dupatta. I have 2 more incidents as such and never spoke about those. I don't think I will ever talk about that again. I'm a single mother. She taunts me that I'm divorced because I voice out my opinions and being a womean should keep my mouth shut. When a woman doesn't have the freedom of talking about her issues to her mom then where would she go.

Harassment

I hate my mother. I am not just saying this as a sulky teenager. I have many reasons. She is very abusive and has superiority complex and every other trait that defines a toxic parent. Right now we are out on a vacation and we are in a restaurant. I was listening to songs because I have nothing to talk about. She yelled at me that I always listen to songs and said to talk to everyone. When I tried talking to her about something, she yelled about how loud the music was in the restaurant and that I should talk at home and shut up now. I got mad obviously so I sat erred listening to music again and she commented that that's the only thing I do. What the fuck shall I do? I hate spending a minute with her. 

Anger Issues

My mother Is the most toxic person I ever met. She just finds reasons to scold me. Abuse me. Torture me. Someone please help me calm down. Everytime there is an argument I feel like dying

Anxiety

Remember how a simple thing makes you pissed. Just like now, my mother unintentionally changed the keyboard layout/type. No matter hlw much I don't want to be pissed. The fact that itvwas changed and I can't figure out how to return it, pisses me off. Now that it's back now, I hate myself for getting pissed on small things just because she doesn't know everything ni matter hiw careful she might be.

I'm feeling really miserable like no one wants me. I hate the way I am. My mother is always scolding me. Like if I'm doing the pocha she's like you don't do it correctly and when I don't do it she's like you don't help me in doing chores. WTF. Once she asked me take off clothes from the balcony and I did and put the clothes on the chair as I was busy and later from nowhere she came and started yelling at me "you could've folded the clothes you just took off clothes and put it on the chair". If you wanted me to fold the clothes you could've told me. How I am supposed to know that you want me to fold the clothes. She always gives half instructions and when I do whatshe told she's still not satisfied and then she starts yelling. She's like what have you done bla bla. I did what you told.

I am soo irritated........ 

How would you react if your mom isn't what you expected I mean people has flaws but then everytime and complains about you not being perfect 

My mom is so toxic that sometimes I wonder how does she sleep at night doing what she does to people. How do such people justify themselves to their God? Such a manipulator. So bad to her own children and family yet the  nicest to others. 
People always say good things about her and I assume she speaks bad about us outside. 
She talks to my ex who abused me physically. And an event is coming up where he might be present. If she talks to that guy I swear I will cut all ties with her. 
I had a boyfriend who had proposed to me. We wanted to get married but she created such a big scene and I had to say no to him cause she said things like "If his parents come to our house I'll insult them and say horrible things to them." I'm 27 now and single. When people ask why I'm not married yet she brags that our daughter wants to marry someone of our choice. What a load of horse-shit! She walks like she is the perfect person on the earth after causing so much damage to our family. It's not like we all don't know how to shout back or abuse or say worse things to her. We chose not to. My dad always says "Only love can change her so be nice to her." 
All the trauma she has put me through I haven't received a single apology from her yet I behave normally with her pretending that nothing happened. But I despise her fake personality. 
She talks to boys (she wanted son who would drive her around, take her shopping). Let's out every secret of our family to these dumbfucks she talks to. I don't trust her. I don't know when I'll lose control and leave my house. She blames my father for the troubled relationship she has with her kids but in reality we grew up and understood how horrible of a human she is. Dad has nothing to do with it. 
I can't comprehend how a mother can be like this to her children. How can someone be so selfish... Hear this... She wanted me to marry a rich guy so she can lead a comfortable life... 
Idk man. Why is she like this... What do I do...
I can't imagine what my dad must have been through. What would you guys do?

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