Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I’m so exhausted. So tired. Been feeling terrible these past few weeks and today I’m running a fever. Also have a damn exam to write tmrw. After getting to know I have a slight fever, my mom has been saying such horrible things to me for the past three hours. It’s too much to bear. I couldn’t become a better child, a better sibling, a better friend, a better human. She does this very often actually, for hours and those words she uses are so harsh it’ll make u wanna kill urself. In recent times I’ve thought of giving in and being free from this hell for once n for all. But now I think she’ll be the one to put that bullet thru my head, she said she would. I’ve become a burden here, I’m afraid she wouldn’t directly do anything, but slow death, slow torture are the weapons. For a person like me who feels way too deeply for this world, I’m falling apart even more than before. Looks like I’ll be living a dead life for these years to come, lol so much for the future. I have anxiety, depression, and lost and confused. Seeking out for help has backfired already, and now I’m stuck here, me one against this world. It’s really exhausting, really painful, mentally and physically, I’m just tired. I wanna quit. I want out. I don’t think the single thread I’m hanging on will last long. It’s been years this is happening and tired of fighting now. Have always been alone most of life, but now it feels even more scary and lonely. It’s not safe here, I’m afraid. I’ll never grow, never be me ever again here, love kindness hope idk what they are having never experienced them to much extent. I thought I’ll carry on to those few happy moments, kind gestures i hardly saw these years, but that’s not working anymore. I’m desperate, i want to live, to see and feel this life without being ridiculed, without being threatened and buried for. I want to rest, I’m tired. Very tired.