Im not doing good today. These feeling were all confusing. I always had a thing for this one guy I met in the church back 3yrs ago. I really liked him despite our differences. (in december year 2020) was the time we had our first closure…we just talked for hours, completely forgotten the people surround us. We became a fling since that day but I was not too serious about it. I always thought that were not a match since Im not the type of girl he could go with. My insecurities got the best of me so I stopped it. Two years later in 2022 we reconnect again and this time I was ready. I give him unexpected gifts to please him. I want to make up for what I’ve done in the past. Its all perfect when his mom step into our relationship. She doesn’t like me being with her son and wants me to cut off things with him immediately. I tried to fight my love for him but my mom told me to stop it as she experienced the same thing with her mother in law in the past. She doesn’t want me to suffer in the end so I had no choice but to give up. I ended it. Again. He tried too…he doesn’t want to give up either. He even beg me to stay but I didn’t. Many months later, I found someone new and so did he. We still remained friends though. We sometime talk with other but that’s just that. I dont know why but whenever I see him my heart still skips a beat. I know for a fact that I already moved on from him and there’s no chance for both of us. Its all in the past and I should just focus in the present. But sometimes I cant help but compare the guy Im with now and him…It was different. The feeling was different. I don’t know If Im just lying to myself all this time…I already forgotten about him. I didn’t think or stalk his social media anymore. I just moved on. Then a good guy came…loving me wholeheartedly, accepting all my insecurities and flaws BUT why!?- It still didn’t work out. I just pushed him away. I don’t know if Im being selfish right now. I think I don’t deserve to be loved as Im too complicated to understand. Now with no one to turn to I can finally be at peace and maybe find myself on the way. My perspective change when I met him again. The guy in the past. I always find him handsome among everyone else but now he even looked better than before. I always idolized him since I was young so maybe this is all part of admiration? I mean he clearly har someone already and Im happy for him. Im confuse the other day that he told me he found someone new I was ok with it but now I felt a slight pain in my chest. I don’t understand it. This is all confusing I just want to be at peace. This is all too much for me to handle.
Both guys are not my boyfriends. They are just my flings.
Don’t fall for anyone of the above, move on, there are thousands of people better then them.
Your past has been totally confusing, the more you try to solve it, the more confusing it might get, so better avoid it.
Accept it as it is but move on from these both.