I’m new to this and wanna talk or atleast someone just listen. You dont have to care, you dont even have to comment. I just wanna say how I feel without someone I know judging me… and some of it jumps a lil, I was bored and was just writing what I was thinking so.
eople say it’s best to talk about how you feel then to hold it in. Hell, I even say it. But when I tell people what I’m thinking or try to explain how I think and the way I see things, they just think I’m stupid. Some say it other just give the look and that’s why I LITERALLY have no one to talk to that actually cares. My ex mentally scarred me and the drugs to maybe but mostly my ex and they things he did… NO ONE will ever understand how much I loved that man, he was my best friend… We did have a son, but we gave him up for adoption. It was best for the baby and I do get pictures of him! But he just cut my heart open and no one knows that I still bleed from that… I dont miss him and would never go back but, I miss the memories, and the good times from high school and before we got into drugs… Everyone ALWAYS picks someone or something over me… even as a friend and it just eats at me. I’m a loyal partner when in a relationship and a loyal friend, but everyone has ALWAYS done me wrong but yet… I’m still there… being nice and sucked back in… to think a man you thought you were going to be with forever, and the look in his eyes when he would hit me (mainly just use force or throw things at me) made me feel worthless. I made sure EVERYTIME he would do something I fought him back. He definitely had Mark’s on him, but sometimes even when he did throws things, I wouldnt fight back. I didnt wanna hurt him… it still hurts knowing I hurt someone I loved physically. Fuck his mentality. Even when I’m at my worse because of someone, I still wanna be there for them. I was blind (not really) and Iv yet to find someone. I told him i was done after him. And yet here I am, not even looking. More scared to try actually… When your on drugs, you dont care. (Been clean for 3 years) I know the difference between being beaten on drugs and being completely sober, and being beaten… and that’s when I left… Drugs definitely give you that mind set where you dont care and nothing feels real… It has been 3 years since I left him. It makes me mad that i miss him. I have my days where I’m happy and wanna go out of my comfort gone to make other people happy. Then I have my days where I’m just down, and I can only get back up half way. I like who I work with, but like my boss said, “be careful on who you tell things to, you cant trust anyone here” iv had this job for 3 years. There not my friends… All I do is annoy them… they deal with me because were at work and HAVE to be there. Friends hang out, friends talk OUTSIDE of WORK. Yaa iv hung out with a few people but, I never get asked… I’m never on someone’s mind, or someone’s first choice. No one cares to include me in on things. It hurts, it really does. I’m not happy. Fuck everything and everyone. I know I’m annoying and dumb sometimes, but I love to joke, I like to make people smile, and love to scare people. That’s just me… I’m extra and I dont know how to not be… it just happens. I dont think before I act, I’m just me and I’m sorry for that. Music set to the right volume, can can either make you or brake you🤷♀️💤🤯🧠👏
Yashaswini @199824
Hello dear its okay don’t feel low and let yourself down. Don’t make others happy. First give importance to yourself make yourself as your priority, love yourself. Starting working on yourself. Don’t bother about others. When you yourself are not happy, giving importance to yourself, disrespect yourself, doesn’t love yourself. How can others give respect, love and importance to you. Start working on these things you’ll eventually see the change in your life. Lots of love to you💖💕
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