I’m miserable. I have lived like this since I can remember but also I can’t seem to remember stuff from my past. Peoples faces are blurry and i can’t say what has actually happened in the past. When i was 9 years old people told me my angry is normal because i’m child. when i was 12 people told me my suicidal thoughts and hate for myself was normal because i was teenager. since i was little kid i been hiding my true feelings, my negative thoughts because i was scared of judgement. But now i can’t express my feelings. I can’t live in peace. I can’t open up to people and even if i would no one would take me seriously because they have lived in under a lie that i would be a happy kid with happy thoughts. I gave up long ago and the only reason i’m staying is because people but lately i have got this feeling or a thought that i should give up. I should leave. My life is not gonna be better… i know it. I just want to feel like a normal person. I hate to keep all this shit to myself and every time i try to speak up i get this flashbacks and realize its not worth it. i hate being anxious about everything. i hate my thoughts. i hate myself.
Idk if that would help but I am totally like u I can never express my feelings to the people that hurted me the most (my fam) and that shit hurt I feel stuck I feel alone for being the only one there for myself
honestly i feel kinda relieved that someone knows how it feels but also sad about it because its so painful and it hurts even more when you are alone with those kind of thoughts and feelings but i hear you and hope everything goes well for you <3
So true it is so hard to face all these feelings alone it should be hard for u too <3 TT
